Eventually
by sandra-wfg
Summary: post 2x10 finished before Superbowl : will Finn and Rachel overcome their griefs and stop being miserable without each other? maybe with a little help from their friends and big revelations?, more drama, more bullying, more music, more angst, more glee
1. I don't wanna hurt

**First time writing a Glee fic but I actually waited between 2x09 and 2x10 to be sure what was going to happen, as I wanted to be as true to cannon as possible.**

**This one is set _during_ "A very Glee Christmas".**

**Finchel rocks but angst is needed, here is the first chapter/ introduction to my take on everything that should happen. Tell me if it's worth it!**

**The song used here is "I don't wanna hurt" by Anouk, you really should listen to it if you don't know it cause it's a beautifully sad song !  
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**I haven't had a betareader read it but if you want to do that for me please mail me!**

**Disclaimer: I don't own Glee or Anouk's song though I'd love to!**

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They were in the Christmas tree farm and so far things hadn't been going as Rachel had planned them. She had felt like a fool when he had told her she smelt funny, promptly discarding the magic tree she had hoped would set the ambiance to their reconciliation. Then he had brushed her off when she had tried to cuddle him and had suggested they went different ways to find the perfect tree.

She started singing along with the music coming out of the speakers and then Finn was standing in front of her, obviously not knowing what to do. She stared into his eyes, an expectant yet frightened look on her face.

The shadow of a smile brushed his face when she started to talk.

"Last year, for Christmas, I asked Santa to give me you."

His smile faded as she spoke the last words. She raised on tiptoes to kiss him and for a couple of seconds he gave into the kiss, before hastily pushing her away, erasing the hopeful smile from her face.

"It's not last year anymore."

"It's Christmas, Finn. It's time for you to forgive me" she emphasised trying to lean onto him. But he took a step back, brow furrowed, and stammered "No, I-I can't. Okay? This is wrong. I shouldn't... I shouldn't have brought you here."

She shook her head, not understanding what he was saying, her eyes begging him.

"You messed me up, Rachel. Can't you see how screwed-up I am about this? I've had two girlfriends, and both of them have cheated on me." His face was contorted with hurt, his voice was breaking a little, as she looked at him, shameful and hurt, her throat constricting painfully.

"Maybe you can ask Santa again for me next year" he added bitterly, shaking his head, "I'm officially breaking up with you." He was gone before his sentence was even finished.

* * *

Rachel watched him walk away dumbfounded. He was really going, it was really happening. She had hoped all week that she would be able to fix things, certain that the Christmas spirit would help her make him forgive her, but she had failed miserably. He was now comparing her to Quinn, which was something she couldn't stand, given how Quinn had hurt him and how Rachel had despised her for that.

She kept thinking that Finn was at fault too, she still felt the ache of hearing that he had lied to her, but she understood now how _she_ had been wrong. How badly she had hurt him and why he had avoided telling her the truth about Santana in the first place. She couldn't bear seeing the hurt in his eyes. Nor the fact that she had inflicted it.

She stood there for a long time before being able to snap out of her daze. He was gone.

He was gone and he hated her.

She screwed her eyes shut for a few seconds before taking a deep breath and sighing deeply. She would have to find a way to put things right but it was now obvious it would take time. He had told her that he wasn't ready to forgive her, which had implied he would eventually, be but she had pushed him too far too fast.

She berated herself again and again as she made her way to the parking lot. She had lost him and even worse, pushed him away the worst way possible. There was no way out of it. He had been right in the auditorium, she had apologised plenty but that would never be enough. She needed to regain his trust. But she had no idea how. She would have to think things through carefully before ever approaching him again. Meanwhile she would stay back, trying to not look too expectant.

As she reached the parking lot she realised she had no mean of going home, she had come with Finn. She sat on the edge of a low wall surrounding the tree farm and dialled her home number; one of her dads would have to pick her up.

She didn't explain, nor did they ask. The sight of her was enough to understand not to. She had been jubilant at the beginning of the week, talking about trees and snow and winter wonderlands, then on the verge of hysteria this afternoon waiting to go pick up trees for the Glee club and now she was silent, looking down and answering monosyllabically to their questions.

She went upstairs as they got home, kissing her dads goodnight. They exchanged a worried look but let her be. They knew how strong she was, how she could overcome anything, they needn't worry, Rachel would be fine in the end.

* * *

She stared at her reflection in her full-size mirror for what felt like hours. She couldn't even discern her features anymore, she wasn't contemplative or judgemental, she just stared into nothingness. She was nothing if she wasn't a part of "them", "Finchel" as he had called themselves at his mom's wedding. She smiled at the memory and instinctively raised her hand to her neck. But she had removed her Finn necklace for some time now and hadn't dared replace it with anything else. Yet she was always trying to find his name here. She swallowed hard. The necklace was in her locker at school and she would have to take it back here for fear of losing it. Even if it was now just a keepsake of what could have been.

She felt her heart tighten at the thought. Her eyes were watering again, the pain was physical as well as emotional and even her breathing exercise didn't help lift it.

She sat on her bed and started humming a tune that had been playing in the back of her head since her dad had collected her.

_We're breaking things we can't repair_  
_and none of us will take the blame_  
_No, nothing can be done this time_  
_All the memories that we made_  
_I threw them all away_  
_There's no need to talk it over_

_Don't let me get you down_  
_Let's just move on_  
_I am setting you free_

She got up on her feet at started gathering the pictures of them that were scattered in her room. She didn't even look at them. She couldn't.

_'Cause I don't wanna hurt no more_  
_No, I don't wanna make you go through one more rainy day_  
_No, I don't wanna hurt no more_  
_Strange enough I always knew_  
_I'm taking off today_  
_Don't wanna hurt no more_

_The darkness you left in my soul_  
_How do we know how much we've lost?_  
_Will the moon be shining as bright as before?_  
_And as I'm singing this song_  
_the tears well up in my eyes_  
_And I will always wonder_  
_why I will never have_  
_the life I wanted_  
_Now I'm letting it go_

She opened the last drawer of her desk and carefully placed the pictures inside it. She then put the box that had contained her necklace on top of them. She would soon return it to its case.

_'Cause I don't wanna hurt no more_  
_No, I don't wanna make you go through one more rainy day_  
_No, I don't wanna hurt no more_  
_There's not much more to say_  
_'Cause it's too late now_  
_I won't hurt no more_

_So I wait 'til morning comes_  
_You made it clear that it has been only pain loving me_  
_The things that we won't do for love_  
_I am setting you free_

_'Cos I don't wanna hurt no more_  
_I don't wanna make you go through one more rainy day_  
_No, I don't wanna hurt no more_  
_Strange enough I always knew I'm taking off today_

_I am letting you go..._

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The next few days she tried to make it as if nothing had happened. She joined the girls of the Glee club when they suggested selling their hair to raise money. Actually it wasn't a bad idea, that would make a radical change in her appearance and that was always good for one's self-esteem. Artie had asked what had happened of their plan to buy a new Christmas tree and she had admitted that Finn had bailed on her, though more harshly than she would have liked, that showed she cared and she didn't want that. She didn't want anyone to pity her, despite the fact that she doubted anyone would. No one had mentioned the break-up to her and she didn't know if it was better or worse. But after all none of them but Puck had argued with Santana when she had stated that they only pretended to like her.

The carolling in the teachers' lounge had went great but feeling Finn standing so close behind her was unnerving and she had had to refrain from touching him or even look at him. And then, after the surprise of Artie's Re-walk, there had been the one of Tina calling her to pass along the message that coach Sylvester was requesting all the Glee club to surprise Mr Schuester on Christmas Eve. She herself had had to call Mercedes.

So on the 24th, while her dads were eating chinese food, she had gone at her favourite teacher's, with a batch of freshly baked shortbread sugar cookies and waited along with the others for their cue to exit their hiding place. They had then been ordered to continue decorating the Christmas tree they had sneaked in Mr Schue's apartment, order that they obliged joyfully. Her eyes caught Finn's for a split second from across the tree and she smiled shyly, rapidly averting her gaze.

She never saw Finn's look lingering on her for a few more seconds while a small smile crept on his face.

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The end? / To be continued? Tell me!


	2. Wintersong

**Back to Glee club after the Christmas break. This can be read as a standalone but really a continuation of "I don't wanna hurt" since it's my take on what should happen for Finchel.**

**Rated T, I guess?**

**Disclaimer: I don't own anything but my writing :)  
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Finn's first instinct when he got to school on the first Monday of January was to go over to Rachel's locker, as he always did before class to greet her and with hope get some smooches before a dumb lesson. He had met Sam in the bus ride over to McKinley High and they had been engrossed in a conversation about football tactics for the upcoming game, in a fortnight. Sam's ideas were good and they agreed to take them to coach Beiste as soon as the day was over, well before Tuesday's practice.

When he got to Rachel, however, the look of surprise and questioning on her face reminded him that he wasn't meant to be there. It wasn't like he had forgotten that they weren't together anymore but it seemed like old habits really did die hard and his legs had brought him here before his mind could have stopped him.

"Hi" he said, cringing a little.

"Hi", she answered, "happy new year" she added quickly, giving a faint smile that faded immediately.

"Yeah, you too", he smiled meekly. "Hey, I didn't see you at Quinn's New Year's Eve party; it was a lot of fun!"

Her breath caught in her throat and she sighed heavily, "I guess my invitation got lost in the mail" she said softly, shaking her head and averting her eyes.

"But she didn't send invitations, she called every… oh…" Finn trailed, finally understanding the bitterness in Rachel's voice. She hadn't been invited. And by the look of it hadn't even known about the party before this instant. It was not good, was it supposed to be a secret?

He hadn't asked Quinn about Rachel's absence at the party because he didn't want to seem interested and when no one had mentioned her to him he figured that they were being sensible about the breakup and didn't want to hurt his feelings. Then again, he hadn't told anyone specifically that they had broken up. Not that it was going to stay a secret long, considering the fact that they shared pretty much every piece of information, but still, it felt weird that no one had talked to him, now he thought about it.

He hadn't noticed Rachel's absence before late in the evening, when Santana had suggested they kissed at midnight, actually. He'd watched around to make sure Rachel hadn't overheard them. He had declined her offer anyway and, when the countdown had started, made a dash to the kitchen on the false pretense of refilling his cup so that he'd been able to avoid the effusions of joy and hugs and kisses that went with the starting of the new year.

He'd stayed at the party until the early hours of day, playing Wii with Puck and Mike and had again wondered, when everybody had gathered to sing, when Rachel could have been.

He hadn't called or texted her the next day. Mostly because he didn't know if he ought to, despite the fact that he _wanted_ to. And by Sunday it was too late anyway so he'd dismissed the thought entirely.

But now that he was in front of her in the hallway he wondered what she had done for the occasion, since he knew for a fact that her fathers weren't supposed to be home this year, having been invited to a party of their own. She'd been the first to say to Mr. Schuester that nobody should be alone for Christmas, even inviting him herself before Coach Sylvester had organized the surprise party for their teacher. But spending New Year's Eve alone was nearly as bad, he felt. And finding about a party you hadn't been invited to wasn't so much fun either, he realized with shame.

He felt an urge to hug Rachel to comfort her. The look in her eyes was really sad, almost resigned. He gave a tentative half smile and his eyes trailed to the inside of her locker door. It was bare. No more cat calendar, no magazine cutout with his name on it, nothing but the remnants of the tack that had been holding the tokens of their time together. She observed him for a couple of seconds as he eyed her locker, then shrugged and closed it, waking him up.

"Well, see you at rehearsal I guess", she murmured, turning her back to him and heading to her class.

He watched her go. Would they ever get pass the awkward small talk? They'd been best friends for a long time and losing that on top of everything else was hard to bear. And seeing her depressed wasn't great either. Watching her try to make him forgive her had been upsetting, with her hopeful looks and overexcited attitudes, he'd wanted her to stop but, now that she had, he was wondering if he didn't miss it a little. He'd never seen her as the type to give up. But he had been clear enough _officially_ breaking up with her. He'd also walked out on her, for which he had felt bad afterwards since they had come with Burt's truck and he had left her stranded at the Christmas tree farm.

The bell shook him back to reality and he hurried to his Spanish class. He sat next to Puck just when Mr. Schuester started talking to them, wishing them a "feliz año nuevo".

* * *

Next period was English, he'd be able to talk to Quinn. He wanted to ask her why she hadn't invited Rachel to the party.

"Oh, so am I supposed to invite her now?" the cheerleader asked. "I thought you'd be bringing her I guess, not that I really wanted her there anyway. So why didn't you?"

"We broke up", he answered.

"I don't understand why you'd have wanted her there then," Quinn added questioningly.

Finn shrugged, "it's just … she spent the night alone, it doesn't feel right."

"Who broke up with whom anyway?" she asked raising an eyebrow.

"I did." The look on her face clearly screamed "so why do you care?"

"Forget I asked" he whispered when he saw the teacher eyeing them suspiciously.

He'd never noticed the things were that bad between his two now exes. But now that he thought of if, the last thing Quinn had said to Rachel that he knew of was that she wanted to punch her in the face every time Rachel talked. And that she'd been the one telling Mercedes about him and Santana. Ouch, how had he missed that?

He quickly shook the feeling off. He had ended things for a reason. He had to stick to what he believed and not give in to some stupid urge he might have to protect Rachel Berry. She didn't need him anyway; she'd always been big enough to take care of herself. And he was still deeply wounded by what she had done to him.

* * *

"Before we start with this week's assignments" started Mr. Schuester "I want you to hand me those forms signed by your parents as soon as possible, I need their permission to take you see Vocal Adrenaline's sectionals. We need the emulation of the competition and seeing them without Jesse and with Sunshine might help see what we need to do at Regionals."

At the mention of Sunshine's name several heads turned towards Rachel.

"Guy, guys, don't start on Rachel. I don't think anything can compete with a condo and a green card, anyway, so let's focus on our strengths and not on how we could have beat them, had things been the other way around."

"Thanks Mr. Schue," whispered Rachel, looking at her hands clasped in her lap.

"So for this week, I want you to choose a country song that speaks to you and present that in Friday's class," some people scoffed. "Don't laugh guys, there's a country music festival coming up and I want us to perform on their open mike night. So if you're interested, put your heart in the sing-off and the winners will decide on the songs we do there." The sniggering ceased, being replaced by hooting and cheers from the class. A performance, whichever one as long as it was not in front of their fellow students at MKH, would always be welcomed amongst the Glee club.

They spent the rest of the session harmonizing over a canon song which was really fun to do and took their minds off anything else for a while.

Finn really liked the song, "the chain" by Ingrid Michaelson and promised himself he would check her music online later.

* * *

He'd started to notice that since he'd broken things with Rachel, or rather since she had stated that last Christmas she'd asked for him just after singing "Last Christmas", he was paying more attention to lyrics in songs. He realized that he had often just listened to the melody of certain songs, especially ballads, not necessarily listening to what they said and figured he was probably missing something out of some of them.

So that night when he checked Ingrid Michaelson's myspace and finally found this other song with canon in it that Mr. Schue had mentioned, he concentrated on the lyrics for once and let the song surround him.

It wasn't the kind of music he usually listened to, more the one that Rachel did. Again, he was thinking about her, that would be dated soon he berated himself, trying to get back in the song. But it was no good. The harmonies were fantastic and the canon part was really touching but the lyrics ate at him, between "_is love alive?_" repeated over and over again and verses like:

_This is my winter song_

_December never felt so wrong_

_'Cause you're not where you belong_

_Inside __my__ arms__._

How was he supposed to move on?

It kept reminding him of "her" and the fact that she wasn't there anymore, on his decision of course, but still. He couldn't help himself thinking about her all the time, and every time it hurt to remember that she had cheated on him. Every single time.

He had to get past this. She _had been _his girlfriend, he _had loved _her, they _had had_ something great, _had been_ part of something special, but it was over, done, case closed and filed. He'd have to be very accurate with the past tense, and not find himself thinking about her as if they were still in the present.

Finn turned off his laptop before going downstairs for dinner. He would have to change his computer's wallpaper in the morning he thought with gloom, as he watched his and Rachel's faces smiling back at him before the Apple© logo took over and the screen finally turned to black.

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**TBC**

**I promise I am going somewhere with this, just be patient! :)**


	3. Bless the broken road

I don't own Glee, its characters, nor the songs mentioned in this fanfic. Bless the broken road is my all time favorite country song and if you don't know it, really try to check it out! Melodie Crittenden's version (from the Dawson's Creek's soundtrack) would be the most appropriate for this fic :)

Reviews?

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If the previous week had been bad it was nothing compared to this one. Returning to school after having your heart broken and your hopes shattered by your own mistakes, not managing to turn things around, trying too hard and making the matter worse a mere days after a birthday gone unacknowledged and a tie at sectionals, spending new year's eve alone and barely getting messages had been hard enough for Rachel Berry to wonder if her life could get any worse.

And it had.

She had seen _him_ walking towards her with renewed hope that he was finally ready to forgive her, but the second he'd reached her she'd understood he had only came out of a six month old habit. The kind of routine that you had to learn to live without, like biting your nails.

She certainly couldn't erase her six months with him.

But then he had mentioned some party and having had fun there without her. She'd watched him eye her bare locker door, not mentioning anything, and every resolution she had had to keep it together and be strong were dissolving like snow in the sun. She hadn't trust her will to not break down in front of him and had preferred leaving it at that, mumbling some words of goodbye.

The day had passed quietly enough before the return to Glee club. No one seemed to know that Finn and she weren't a couple anymore, or if they did, none of them mentioned it to her. Anyhow, she felt that if they knew they'd pair with him anyway. She knew how they really felt about her, now. She had had the proof of that in the green room before sectionals. Only Noah had sided with her when Santana had announced that they were all just pretending to like her, Finn had yelled at her some more and even if they had made up the day after, the fact that he had now broken up with her kept reminding her that he was just like the rest of them: only pretending.

He didn't seem too distraught by the breakup, more by the fact that she had cheated. More by the fact that she had been the _second_ one to cheat on him, actually.

The sympathetic look they had exchanged at Mr. Schue's had made her feel there was hope, but he had been avoiding her ever since. Not that she had tried to contact him or anything but he would avoid her gaze in class or in the hallways. And he hadn't talked to her since the first Monday back.

At first she couldn't help but hope for even some small talk about the weather or co-captain duties for Regionals but after the trip to the Vocal Adrenalin's sectionals all she wished was that everybody would forget she ever existed.

First of all Vocal Adrenaline was better than ever, Sunshine's voice, the new coaching, everything made the performance magical and powerful. All of Rachel's teammates were now giving her the silent treatment, except for the ones that actually threatened or cursed her. Then she had seen her. Shelby.

She'd watched her from a distance as her mother had greeted her old team. She'd showed a six month old baby to her former students and the look on her face clearly stated that the baby was hers. So she had finally done what she couldn't, or wouldn't, with Rachel. Have a relationship with a child of her own.

Normally Rachel would have talked to Finn about seeing her mother and her feelings about it, but they hadn't been talking at the time. And she would never trust Noah with that kind of emotions. She'd pondered calling Kurt but their friendship was so new she hadn't dared do so.

After the breakup she had called him though, in hope for some advice on Finn, even if the last time she had asked, Finn had ultimately called her a sad clown hooker. But her call had gone through voicemail and he hadn't called her back. She hadn't been too precise on what she was calling about but after a few days without him phoning she had realized he was probably siding with his new step-brother, so she hadn't insisted, only texting him her greetings on January the first.

His was the only text she got herself. Her dads had called of course, and she had received some collective mails from the Glee club but that was about it too. She hadn't been invited to Quinn's party, hadn't officially heard from her mother, didn't have any friends, no boyfriend, no nothing.

* * *

On the first week back the Glee assignment had been to find a country song. She had sat in the back of the room, watching them sing in turn, some giving the performances of their lives, with line dancing from Tina and a really cute number from Sam on Garth and Brook's "that's what she gets from loving me", so clearly destined to Quinn that everyone in the room had whistled or "aww"d at the end of the performance. She had wanted so badly to catch Finn's eyes. To share a smile at the cuteness of the other couple, but she had closed her eyes shut and had waited for the impulse to fade. It would have hurt too much anyway.

She on the other end had never volunteered to sing nor had she pitched in when suggestions were made or advices sought. And no one had asked.

The first slushee had hit her on the morning of the second Monday back. Just after the field trip to VA sectionals. She hadn't seen the attacker but she had seen the snide smiles of Santana and Quinn.

"No quarterback by your side to prevent that now, midget" Santana called after her when Rachel entered the girls' bathroom. They finally knew.

She knew that it wasn't a secret but it had somehow been easier to go through the week without anyone commenting on her failed love life. And now it seemed that it was open war, with spiteful comments fusing from everywhere, slushee facials and TP thrown at her locker. She was back to square one, back to being the biggest loser in school, back where she had been, before him.

She was determined not to let any of it undermine her morale. If Finn was able to go through their breakup with a straight face she wouldn't be the one to crack. That would satisfy them too much.

"One slushee a day keeps the bullies away", she had kept repeating herself all week long, she'd been sneaking from class to class as much as possible, avoiding eye contact with everyone, dismissing Ms Pillsbury's enquiry on her behalf, avoiding Mr. Schue's questions, lying to her fathers about everything happening in her life on this beginning of 2011.

She knew she couldn't last long. It had never been this bad and she had always had her confidence in her singing to make up with everything else, but even that was chipping away. They hadn't won sectionals because of her and at the pace things were going she would be replaced before long in Glee club. One extra member would be enough for everyone else to shut her out completely.

* * *

On Friday the first slushee had barely been wiped off her face that the second had hit her, then the third, a second later. The crowd around her was such that she wondered if some cheerleaders hadn't sent invitations to the event.

She was out of clean clothes, only having brought one change and the hand-driers in the bathroom had been tampered with, which meant that she would have to go through the day damp, freezing and covered in red and blue dribbles. She seized the edges of the sink and swallowed her tears. She looked at her reflection, assessing the damages.

Her makeup was long gone, her eyes were puffy and even if she hadn't been crying she looked as if she had. Without a proper towel or a dryer her hair would take forever to dry and she was sure to catch a cold in the awful weather they'd been having this winter. She gathered her mane of dark hair in a ponytail took a few deep breaths and swallowed a lump that felt like the little that was left of her pride.

The bell had rung so she was late for class but at least that meant no more slushee for at least forty-five minutes, unless her classmates were dumb enough to attack her in class, in front of a teacher. She doubted the English teacher who had thrown a shoe at them when they were caroling would have minded much, but thankfully Rachel wasn't in her class.

She made it through Glee club without any more attacks if you didn't count comments, but the second she entered the choir room she was tripped by Santana and fell heavily on the floor. She'd been hugging her books at the time and didn't have time to break her fall. It hurt like hell and she didn't manage to get up immediately, her left arm trapped under her and humiliation coursing through her body.

"Oops, sorry Yentl," Santana said, falsely sorry, "didn't see you there".

Mercedes grabbed Rachel's arm and helped her to her feet, side-glancing reproachfully at the cheerleader who was strolling towards the chairs, a huge smile on her face.

"Are you okay?" she asked, the concern evident in her voice.

But Rachel shrugged her off quickly, releasing her arm from Mercedes' grip and snapped "why do you care?"

Mercedes didn't reply, the hurt was obvious in Rachel's eyes and she felt that her hash reply was nothing more than self protection. She offered a smile and helped pick up Rachel's book then sat in the front row.

Rachel eyed her suspiciously, not knowing how to interpret this small gesture of sympathy and went to sit in her now usual spot, at the back, as far as she could get from everybody else.

"You know Berry, I really think you should go home," Santana turned to her with an insolent smile. "Not that you're going to be able to, but still." She added turning back chuckling, elbowing Brittany who looked lost as ever but smiled anyway.

What was that about? Rachel wondered. Why would Santana still torment her when the only reason she had to ("Finn right? Well he's free now so why don't you leave me alone?" she thought) wasn't even reacting to the scene taking place in front of him. _Because she can_ was all she could think about. She shook her head incredulously, disgusted by her classmates reactions, of lack-of rather, towards her.

She was composing herself for the third time today when Mr. Schuester called her name, startling her.

"Rachel, you're the only one we haven't heard on this country assignment, so if you please," he said, gesturing her to the front of the audience.

"Do I have to?" she asked.

"This might be an optional class Rachel, but it's still a class, and if you're not going to participate, you might as well leave…" he said gently, trying to shake her of the stupor she had been in for a fortnight now, knowing that this club was the most important thing in this student's life.

"I haven't prepared anything," she murmured shamefully.

"I'm sure you know some country music, Rachel, just pick one song and do what you will." He smiled expectantly. "What's your favorite country song?"

She could feel their eyes on her and met some encouraging glares when she dared look up.

"Bless the broken road," she said, "but I'm really not sure, Mr. Schue …" she added pleadingly.

"Rachel, now please go," the teacher insisted, trying to not lose his cool at her stubbornness, grasping the obvious distress of his student.

She stumbled to the bottom of the stairs and placed herself in front of the class, not daring to look up for fear of catching looks she knew she couldn't hold anymore.

The music started.

_I set out on a narrow way many years ago  
Hoping I would find tru__e love along the broken road  
But I got lost a time or two  
Wiped my brow and kept pushing through  
I couldn't see how every sign pointed straight to you_

_Every long lost dream led me to where you are  
Others who broke my heart they were like Northern stars  
Pointing me on my way into your loving arms  
This much I know is true  
That God blessed the broken road  
That led me straight to you  
_

She had believed every word of this song up until a few weeks ago.

_I think about the years I spent just passing through  
I'd like to have the time I lost and give it back to you  
But you just smile and take my hand  
You've been there you understand  
It's all part of a grander plan that is coming true_

Every hope she had had, every fantasy about a future with Finn were now gone and as the words left her lips realization came to her that she couldn't give him back the time she had lost. She would never be able to erase what she had done, no matter how hard she wanted to. The grander plan had been ripped off and would never come true.

She felt the tears welling up in her eyes and she quickly brushed them away with her palm.

The higher her eyes would go was his left knee.

She didn't know if he was watching, or making fun of her like she could hear Santana do.

_Every long lost dream led me to where you are  
Others who broke my heart they were like Northern stars  
Pointing me on my way into your loving arms  
This much I know is true  
That God blessed the broken road  
That led me straight to you_

Her voice had cracked now and she could feel she was out of tune too. She still wouldn't let the tears escape her eyes and she wanted desperately to keep it together long enough to finish the song. But after that, what? There was still a half hour before the end of school. She would never be able to make it till then. Not after this day.

_Now I'm just rolling home  
Into my lover's arms  
This much I know is true  
That God blessed the broken road  
That led me straight to you_

_That God blessed the broken road  
That led me straight to you._

"I think you meant "_led me straight to nothing_", Rach," Santana said when the last note ended.

Rachel looked into Santana's eyes for the first time in what felt like forever.

"I know," she stammered in a hoarse whispered voice. Her eyes flickered to where _he_ was seated but they were so full of tears she didn't see much before she closed them forcefully and turned her head.

She swallowed her sobs, dashed for her schoolbag and staggered to the door. She wouldn't cry. She _wouldn't_ cry.

Her breath was catching in her chest and the tears were finding their way out of her eyes, yet she wouldn't cry. Not now, not here. Just a little further. Her car was mere feet away, in the parking lot. She could make it this far!

It was raining like crazy and she had left her coat in her locker but she didn't care anymore. She had to get home and maybe hopefully die there instead of being obliged to come back after the week-end.

By the time she reached her car she was completely drenched, frozen and out of breath. She was about to get in when she noticed the tire. It had been slashed and a small heart had been drawn on it in what looked like lipstick. This had to be what Santana had meant when she had insinuated that Rachel wouldn't be able to get home.

She eventually gave in to her despair and collapsed against the side of her car as the sobs she had been retaining finally overcame her.

* * *

TBC

I never hated Santana as much as this season, I kinda liked to hate her before but when it comes to Finchel I'd rather she died…

Reviews please! Tell me if I'm on the right tracks (Finn's part is coming up, I have it all in my head, just have to get some time to write it!)


	4. Boxes and tires

Thanks to all the people who sent a review :)

It's good to know I'm not alone feeling what I feel!

Back to Finn's side of the story, picks up where _he_ was left of in chapter 2.

I still don't own Glee, otherwise I'd prevent Lea Michele from giving cryptic interviews that leave the watcher panting for February's episodes with a sense of dread never felt before.

* * *

His desktop wallpaper was gone. So was her number from his cell phone. Not that he didn't know it by heart anyway, but it was a step towards oblivion that he had felt he had to take. He didn't have much keepsakes himself of their time together. No hidden stash of movie stubs, pictures or scented love letters. Their couple's calendar had been put out of sight at the back of his locker. 2010 was over anyway, but he hadn't felt like throwing it away. Not just yet.

The first week back to school would have been perfect, hadn't it been for the incessant urge he had had to look for her, the longing to call her at night to share his thoughts about his day, or the craving he had to just scoop her in his arms and kiss her all the time. Add to that the ache at the remembrance of her cheating. Alright, his first week had been crappy.

The assignment for Glee club was fun and he had chosen to duet with Puck on "Cotton-eyed Joe", with cowboy hats and boots and a bit of line dancing that had taken all week to master, thanks to Mike Chang's help.

The fact that he wasn't even mad at Puck didn't disturb him much. They had dismissed the incident with Rachel entirely, and he felt that she only was at fault, hey, Puck had been the one to stop her, right?

Friday night's dinner had brought its batch of surprises too.

They were all seated in the Hummel dining room when his mom had announced that she and Burt had a surprise.

"You're not pregnant, are you?" had been the first words out his lips, before he could even stop them.

Carole had side-glanced at her new husband, smiling.

"No, sweetie, but we've finally found a house for the four of us to live together."

Kurt had cheered and Finn himself didn't know how to react. He didn't dare ask about sleeping arrangements and room sharing.

Burt, sensing his uneasiness had reassured him on the spot: two rooms with a Jack and Jill bathroom, with locks and a promise to knock from Kurt.

He'd hugged his mother and she had advised him to start packing as soon as possible since they wanted to put both their houses on the market and move in quickly. Going back and forth from a place to another wasn't a real life for a married couple.

"You'll get a bigger bed, too" his mother had told him, "you've grown so fast" she had added smiling, hugging him once more.

So he'd found himself on a Friday night, surrounded by boxes, in his too small bedroom. He didn't know where to start. He eyed his bed: it really was too small. But it had also witnessed a lot of his make out sessions with Rachel (Quinn had never wanted to come in there, even when she had lived with them), and this was where he had touched her boobs for the first time, so he was rather fond of it. The smile that had been creeping on his face faded as he reminded himself once again to stop thinking about _her._

He had started stacking books and video games in a box, then school stuff in another and so on until he was sure he wouldn't find anything again when he would need his things.

He sat despondently at his desk. He ought to make lists of what he put in the boxes. And label the boxes. He had to start over he realized, sighing deeply.

He was looking for a notepad when his eyes fell on a small blue jewel case that he had dismissed at the back of his desk.

He grabbed it softly. He didn't have to open it to know what was in it, but he pushed the lid open anyway. It was the gift he'd bought for Rachel's birthday. Bought before sectionals, put away after the first argument, forgotten about after the hallway row.

He let his thumb brush the star earrings. He'd pondered a long time before setting his mind on those. She didn't wear much jewelry. No bracelets, no rings. He wondered if it was because of that nickname the cheerleaders had given her, "man-hands", that she never wore rings. He had never been bothered by her hands he thought coyly. They were super soft, and beside they fitted his perfectly. Dammit, _had_ fitted his, _had_, past tense. He wondered when the notion would finally penetrate his brain.

He hadn't wanted to buy her a new necklace either. He had really liked seeing his name at the hollow of her neck.

Since the breakup he had noticed that if her Finn necklace had gone missing, so had her gold star, R and G-clef pendants. It was a little relief, because it didn't bring his attention to her neck anymore when he was seated behind her and in a side row in class. Hum, better not think about that either.

The earrings he'd chosen because, even though she didn't wear that kind of jewelry much he knew she didn't dislike them. She had stopped wearing those posh pendants she'd worn when he had first joined Glee club and that he didn't care for much, but she had worn a cute pair at his mom's wedding. And she had been wearing her hair up too.

Maybe having earrings to wear would have made her wear her hair in a ponytail more he had hoped, buying them. He really liked it when she had her hair up like it had been that day. It revealed the soft spot behind her ear that would make her catch her breath whenever he'd touched or kissed it. Okay, he would have to stop thinking about her like that now or he'd have to invoke the ghost of mailman past again.

He really didn't know what to do with these. He couldn't give them to her and didn't really want to return them either. Giving them to someone else felt wrong and keeping them made him a loser. He was eyeing the open box with an intense glare when a soft knock at the open door made him raise his head.

"Really, Finn, they are so cute, but I can't accept them!" Kurt entered the room, winking.

Finn shut the box and shrugged, smiling sadly, "Rachel" he just said.

"I figured. Can I sit?" Kurt asked.

Finn made a gesture towards his bed for Kurt to sit on. The young boy sat on his hands, stiffly, on his step-brother's bed.

"Are you two…?"

"It's over," Finn shrugged.

"Can I ask what happened? Last time I heard you weren't talking because she'd discovered the truth on Fintana." Finn cringed at the hearing of the name. He never had been a pair with the cheerleader, and never would be.

"She kissed Puck to get back at me." He got up and put the earring box back on his desk with rage. "I'm now the loser whose only two girlfriends have cheated on," he kicked the wall with his foot, "with the same guy." He put his head to the wall and threw a clenched fist against the painting before sighing profoundly, trying to calm himself. He was not going to lose it in front of his step-brother. Nor anybody else. Not over Rachel Berry.

Kurt was frowning. Something wasn't right in his friend's speech. Finn was more than evidently distraught. He looked broken, however his words didn't make sense. He had to ask.

"Are you more upset about losing your girlfriend or the fact that you've been cheated on twice?"

"What?" Finn didn't know what he had been expecting, but certainly not that.

"Don't get me wrong, I just need to understand some stuff before giving you my opinion, if you want it" Finn was looking back at him flabbergasted but didn't argue so Kurt went on. "I've seen you and Rachel, and as much as I hate to admit it, you fit. It's more than obvious to anyone. At the wedding you were looking at her like you'd just won the lottery. And just now you were watching those earrings like they were the last picture you had of someone you've lost forever or like you'd be soon singing to them..." he smiled. "But now I see you kicking at the wall and curse at being cheated on when I would have thought you'd rather mourn the girl you've lost."

"Have you been talking to Rachel?" Finn asked, not really knowing why.

"As a matter of fact I haven't. Not since sectionals. She tried to call me but I haven't returned her call yet and we've just been texting a couple of time for New Year actually."

Finn stayed silent. Something Kurt had said had reminded him of the Christmas tree patch and what he'd said to Rachel about being screwed by the fact that both his girlfriends had cheated on him.

"So what are you the maddest at?" Kurt asked again.

Finn shook his head. It didn't make any sense; it was all the same thing.

"I'll let you think about it," Kurt said, getting up to leave. He knew Finn enough to not push it. Finn was stubborn that way. "Tell me if you need help with those boxes."

"Yeah, thanks" Finn answered softly, absentmindedly returning to his desk.

* * *

The trip to Vocal Adrenaline's sectionals had been bad too, and he had spent the last hours of his Saturday being filled with new found madness at Rachel. It was easier to be mad with everybody else than to try and tell them that even if she had sent Sunshine to that crack-house, she had also been the one to make her come back and that the exchange student had accepted being part of New Directions before bailing on them because she had been bribed by the new VA coach.

It didn't matter; Vocal Adrenaline were good, better than before. Better than with Jesse, even and that was something to say.

They'd left the show-choir competition dejected, mumbling hatred comments and eyeing Rachel as if she was the cause of all their troubles.

Just before leaving in the yellow bus they had appointed he watched from afar as Rachel was dumbstruck, looking at a woman with a baby who was talking to the VA members.

Was that Rachel's mom?

He watched Rachel's eyes fill with tears before she quickly erased them with her sleeve and made her way to the school bus.

Half of him wanted to go to her and ask her about that woman, but the other part was still mad and felt "serves her well" as he sat deliberately as far from her as he could in the bus ride home.

After a Sunday of playing video games and avoiding more conversation with Kurt he found himself in school on a chilly Monday wincing as he witnessed Karofsky throw a Slushee at Rachel. No one around reacted and he forlornly watched her enter the girls bathroom, hearing Santana's voice over the chatter of the crowd "no quarterback by your side to prevent that now, midget". He felt a surge of hanger towards the cheerleader. What was it with her that she hated Rachel this much? But he said nothing. He realized he had never said anything to Santana about her behavior before, so why start now? It felt useless. She never listened to anything or anyone, anyway. Thinking about it he realized that Santana was even more spoilt than Rachel could be and that she acted like she owned the world because no one had ever told her off. She was used to get what she wanted and never took no for an answer, no matter what ends she'd have to go to fulfill her goal.

Rachel on the other end had been put back to her place much more than she deserved and as nobody feared her like they feared Santana she was the one bullied rather than the bully.

Finn started to understand more about his ex-girlfriend and wondered how she could have endured all those persecutions, when she had done nothing to deserve them in the first place. She had even helped Quinn and him last year he remembered. Even if they had been awful to her.

_She cheated on you_ he reminded himself before feeling too sorry for Rachel. He didn't wait for her to exit the bathroom and hurried to class.

* * *

He couldn't help but feeling amazed at how she seemed to be able to dismiss all comments or pranks. He didn't know why he didn't speak to her at all that week. It must feel easier. He wouldn't have to look into her sad eyes and feel the need to hold her. He wouldn't want to hug her. He missed hugging her the most. Those embraces where he felt his heart would explode from bliss, his long arms encircling her so entirely. When he could bury his face in her hair and just _breathe_ her.

But that was in the past too, he thought, his heart tightening in his chest.

She hadn't talked to anyone all week it seemed. No remark in class or rehearsal. A few apologetic syllables to the people who tried and engage conversation (mostly Mr. Schue and Ms Pillsbury-Howell, since the Glee club would just ignore her). Would they ever be able to get past this and get back to being friends?

He wasn't sure he could just be friends with her but he couldn't be more than friends now could he? She had cheated, been mean, hurt him on purpose.

_What are you the maddest at__? _Kurt had asked. Finn still couldn't answer this question truthfully. He was mad at her, period. And he was mad at being cheated on by two girls. Here it was again, the notion of "twice". But how would he have reacted if Rachel had been the first one to cheat on him? Surely it would have hurt just as bad? He could place it but the strangest feeling hit him. Rachel would never have _cheated_ on him had she been the first. She had done it deliberately, and uniquely to upset him. Well, nicely done, you've managed that, he thought bitterly.

He managed to not think about her (much) for the rest of the week and he didn't even see her before choir practice on Friday. He was already seated when she entered to the room.

By the look of it she had been slusheed. Twice? She obviously had run out of clean clothes and was stained with red and blue. Her hair was up he noticed, swallowing hard. He didn't have time to think about it much as he saw her fall heavily forward. The last time he had seen her fell, when Puck had buttered the floor for that substitute teacher, he hadn't had time to help her get up for she had bounced back too quickly for him to even react. This time he was too far away and Mercedes was already helping Rachel to her feet, furiously glancing at Santana. What? Had she tripped her?

He eyed Rachel as she pushed Mercedes away, clearly upset, and made her way to the back row again. Avoiding any contact with anyone.

Santana was talking to her but he didn't listen to what she was saying, engrossed as he was by the sight of Rachel, covered in dry slushee and looking so fragile and vulnerable.

He wanted to go to her but she clearly wanted to disappear and he didn't know what to say anyway. He wanted to catch her eyes and smile reassuringly but she was keeping her head down, almost starting when Mr. Schuester asked her to sing.

She wouldn't do it at first and the teacher had to playfully threaten her to leave the club before she finally moved to the front of the class.

He had already heard her song but like those many other ballads he had never listened to the lyrics before. Like anytime she was singing she was touching him deep inside, making his heart beat faster, but this time, while listening to the lyrics for the first time he felt his throat become tighter. He understood every word of the song like he could have sung it himself (well, before she had cheated, that is), he had felt the same way and the fact that she was singing this, knowing what she had done, he couldn't help but welling up himself. Her voice was breaking and it tore his heart. He knew he had been right to refuse her song in the auditorium just before Christmas because he would never had resisted her singing, like he couldn't, now. He wanted for her to look at him. He wanted to know she meant what she was singing, what she was saying. And maybe, just maybe, he would be able to forgive her? But she never looked up. And in any case he wasn't sure of anything anymore. Did he want to forgive her? Did he still love her? Or was he just drawn to her pain?

The last two lines of the song where followed by Santana's comment, before the music had died:

_That God blessed the broken road  
That led me straight to you._

"I think you meant "_led me straight to nothing_", Rach."

Rachel's voice was hoarse as she whispered "I know" before rushing out of the room.

Finn watched her stumble to the door in awe. He was on his feet at once but didn't dare exit the room without permission, instead frantically begging Mr. Schue with his eyes.

"Go," the teacher said, nodding.

Finn went to her locker first, but if she had been there, she wasn't anymore. He rushed to the parking lot and finally spotted her through the heavy rain. He ran to her, wondering why she was staying in front of her car, under the pouring rain instead of going in. He then saw her kick her tire in rage and crumple against the side of her car, sobbing desperately. He was beside her in a heartbeat but found himself speechless when he reached her side.

Her tire was flat.

She was shivering in the rain.

He removed his hoodie and placed it carefully around her shoulders, awkwardly resting his hands there for a few seconds longer than was necessary.

"Rach," he started.

"Go," she murmured, keeping her head down, eyes closed, her palms resting against her car for support.

"Where's your spare?" he asked stupidly.

"I can handle that," she retorted, shaking her head and finally facing him.

"Rachel, have you ever changed a tire in your life?" he wanted to laugh at her stubbornness, he wanted to hug her, he wanted to push her damp bangs from the way and kiss her forehead and maybe catch that raindrop that was dangling from a curl of her hair, just behind her ear. Dammit.

"Please, go," was all she could say, over and over, "go, please, go."

He took her keys from her hand and opened the trunk of the car. He was a lousy driver but at least he knew how to change a tire. She didn't argue but she tried to remove the wrench from his hands and do the job herself. She obviously knew the theory Finn realized, laughing to himself, watching her unscrew the bolts then lift the car with the jack. He didn't say anything but helped her put the spare in place and the bolts back, putting his hands above hers on the wrench to help her secure them.

"Thanks," she said softly, watching her greased hands and groping in her purse for a towelette.

He was so close it was intimidating. He was being friendly but she didn't want his friendship, and she didn't want his pity either. Her heart gave a jolt. The tears that she had managed to stop while changing the tire were reforming again and she didn't trust herself being so close to him. Feeling his hands on hers just moments before had almost made her cry.

"Finn," she started, not knowing where she was going. "I know I messed things up, and I know you will never trust me again, and you can't forgive me and…" he wasn't saying anything."You will never know how sorry I am for hurting you, but I can't take back anything I did…"

His voice cut hers "I loved you". Oh, here was his past tense! When he needed it the less. When he _meant_ it the less.

She closed her eyes slowly, sending to fly the tears she had been holding up until then.

"Or maybe you liked the fact that I didn't threaten you?" she didn't sound bitter, just completely hurt. "Maybe you thought dating a loser would prevent you from being hurt again? I'm sorry I messed up your plan," she added desperately before entering her car.

What was she talking about?

"Rach?" he started.

"I'm sorry, I knew it was too good to be true and that it was only a matter of time before…" She could not finish a sentence. "I'm sorry I ruined the best thing I ever had."

She removed his hoodie and handed it to him.

They both turned their heads in unison at hearing the distant school-bell.

"Don't miss your bus" she said softly.

By the time he looked at the school buses lining in front of the entrance and back at her, she was driving out of the parking lot.

* * *

TBC

Wow, I have had the hardest time writing this one out

I hope the next chapter will come out more easily, I know where I'm going and I hope you like it this far but with all the ideas I have it's hard to put them in place!

Please review :)


	5. Sixteen and in love

Still don't own _Glee_ otherwise I would have known they had a press conference in Paris and would have gone grrrr. Don't own any song mentioned here.

I'm just borrowing the character and hopefully treat them well (and sometimes better than the writers of the show)

Sorry it's been so long; I actually started this one before Christmas but got caught up with all the amazing fanfics you guys wrote.

::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::

Mercedes watched Rachel Berry in awe as the brunette exited the choir room in haste, tripping on her own foot and holding back her tears.

She was used to her Glee-club fellow's storm-outs, but it was nothing like it. It didn't have the panache of her previous exits, it lacked the self confidence Rachel had always showed making a scene of her departures. Things must be really bad for the girl to lose her mojo.

The two girls had never been particularly close but they had had their moments and though Mercedes disliked some of Rachel's behaviors, she also envied her self confidence and obvious singing talent.

She wondered what might have led to the current situation. Rachel hadn't talked to anyone all week, and in fair honesty, no one had tried engaging conversation either since the whole VA sectionals fiasco, but she felt that it was enough and that the silent treatment couldn't go longer.

Mercedes had appreciated the honest applause she had got from her captain for her rendition of "Landslide" as had she been grateful for her recognition of hers and Tina's underappreciated talent at sectionals. Unfortunately, as much as Mercedes could see that Rachel was upset she didn't know how to connect with her. Not when she was in this state. When she had helped her get back to her feet at the beginning of practice she had felt that the other girl's rebuff had been a sign of self protection, deep hurt and shame rather than anything against her personally.

The song Rachel had sung had been difficult to watch. A mixture of terror and pain that Mercedes could only link to Santana's behavior and the rumored breakup of 'Finchel'. And sure enough at the end of the performance Rachel had admitted to Santana's comment of 'being led to nothing' and run out without a backward glance. She was not sure as to why Finn had run after her since all she knew about their current situation was the awkward glances the quarterback threw at Rachel and the brunette's own elusive look. That and Santana's comments and remarks; but Mercedes never listened to Santana if she could avoid it.

She eyed Tina inquisitively but the Asian girl shrugged, as lost as her friend as to what was happening.

The rehearsal went on without further news of Rachel or Finn, but as Mercedes' bus was pulling off the curve she saw Finn running after it unsuccessfully, being left stranded in front of the school.

She drew her phone of her bag and started texting furiously:

**Intervention at Rachel's**

**meet me there ASAP**

**M.**

She punched Kurt's number and waited for the signal that he had gotten her message.

She knew where Rachel lived but had never been inside the house. It had stopped raining and she waited a short distance away, waiting for Kurt to arrive and examining the house closely. It was not as big as hers, but then again Rachel was an only child while she had several siblings. The house was well kept, with a rather large front lawn and double garage. She didn't know what Rachel's parents did for a living but they seemed to do well considering the part of town they lived in (same as her) and what Rachel had told them about being given dance classes and private lessons, though her wardrobe didn't suggest anything of the sort, she thought chuckling.

She saw Kurt's SUV pull over and promptly went to greet him.

After a quick hug she proceeded to explain what had happened in Glee club and why she had called him. He explained to her that Finn had broken up with Rachel because she had kissed Puck and that he didn't know how he felt about the whole thing. He didn't mention the earrings incident, not having discussed it further with his step-brother.

::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::

"What are you doing here?" Rachel asked when she opened the door, but she didn't wait for an answer and let them in.

She had changed her sweater and was mopping her hair with a pink towel. She looked defeated Mercedes noticed. She sat on the couch and waited for them to do the same and start talking.

"Rachel, I'm not gonna ask you if you're okay, since it's obvious you're not, but can we be of any help?" Mercedes started, acknowledging the look of utter surprise on Rachel's face.

"Why?" was all the dumbfounded girl could answer.

"Well, you haven't been yourself since school started again and I was worried about you."

Rachel shook her head. "Since when any of you have been worried about me?"

"Listen, Rach," Kurt started, "I know what happened with Finn", she winced, "I'm not taking sides here, but I'd like to understand what's happening to you both."

"You haven't talked to anyone, or given advice, or even participated in Glee club for two weeks now," Mercedes added hopefully, "it's not like you."

Rachel started as if she had been slapped. "I don't get it," she was blinking furiously, shaking her head in bewilderment. "You hate me when I talk or suggest things, you've told me enough… And now you're _worried _because I don't? When can I ever win? When will you ever be happy with me?" her voice was rising dangerously.

"Rach, we're family, no one hates you," Mercedes tried to argue.

"No? Then why hasn't anyone talked to me in weeks? Beside no one argued with Santana when she rubbed my face in the fact that you just all pretended to like me. You were all too happy to retell who had told whom that Finn and she had slept together." Her voice cracked with bitterness at the end of her tirade.

"It was the greenroom, Rachel," Mercedes pointed, starting to understand all of Rachel's pent up anger. "We were all stressed out with stage-fright, and you never intervene in a couple's quarrel, and you _never_ tell Santana off, have you ever met the girl?" she was emphasizing her words with her hands. She thought for a moment. "In fact, I believe that you are the first one to ever tell her off, and look what you got in return," she added softly. "Girl, I don't know how you didn't jump to her throat."

Rachel was still silent, head bowed, beaten looking.

Kurt was learning things by the second, having not been there for either events. "Didn't Finn?" he ventured, not needing to end his sentence to be understood. Rachel was shaking her head slowly.

"Finn never stood up for me," she said softly. Kurt heard her sad and resigned tone and understood her sentence to mean more than just "on those occasions". He couldn't believe his step-brother. The guy was tall and strong, and popular, yet he seemed really unsure of himself and ashamed of his choice. Was there any chance he was ashamed of Rachel? How could you be so obviously in love with someone yet be unable to assume those feelings? He would have to ask Finn about that.

"Rach," Mercedes resumed. "You used to be so much more confident than that, that's always been something I admired in you. You can't let this beat you, we need you as our leader," she stressed. "You can be scary and annoying sometimes, but that's also what emulates us".

Rachel snorted, "you sound like Finn," she couldn't help but state.

Kurt almost choked, "he told you that?"

"What?" she asked. "That I'm annoying, yes but once was actually a cute moment, and it even made me fall in love with him all over again." She sighed deeply, "that I'm scary, more than once, yeah," she swallowed hard, "the last time being in front of Ms Pillsbury when we went there for couple's counseling after the Santana incident."

Kurt didn't dare ask, "what did he say about Santana?"

"That she was super hot," Rachel shook her head again and crushed a tear that was menacing from falling from her eyes with the heel of her hand.

"Listen," she went on, "it's irrelevant anyhow. I had forgiven him about that, about everything. It's him who won't forgive me." Her voice cracked and she swallowed hard again. "I've decided to let him be, but it's really hard with Glee club and Santana and being alone and…" She gave a short out of breath sigh, lost for words.

"You'll get there," Mercedes smiled. "And you're not alone. You could try being less conceited, but really, your self confidence makes your charm, not that I'll ever admit I said that to you," she added, winking.

Rachel chuckled a little, sniffling.

They talked some more then Rachel got up to accompany Kurt and Mercedes to the door, thanking them.

"Wait," said Mercedes, stopping Rachel opening the door by putting her hand on the brunette's arm. "He followed you?" She needn't say more for Rachel to know what she was implying.

"I don't know, I guess he pities me, or he wants to be friends. But when have we ever been friends without me being hopelessly in love with him. I can't do that anymore." She smiled sadly, hugged her friends and closed the door on them.

::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::

"Believe me," Mercedes eyed Kurt knowingly, "there was nothing pityingly friendly in the way he was looking at her," she said, raising an eyebrow.

Kurt half smiled. What Mercedes had just said comforted him in the idea he had had the previous week that his stepbrother wasn't happy with his decision of ending things with Rachel. He had to handle things carefully, to avoid Finn completely shutting him off. The realization would have to come from Finn himself but the boy was too stubborn to see light on his own. He just needed a little nudge, Kurt felt. Just a little perspective…

He drove Mercedes back and headed to his house where the traditional Friday night dinner was scheduled. His things were already packed for the moving, he couldn't let anyone deal with his things and being at border school didn't have much time to pack, but he had gotten ahead of plans the previous weekend with the help of Blaine. He was wondering when his fellow warbler would realize how in love with him he was. Or maybe he knew already? If it was the case, it was totally different from when Finn had discovered that Kurt had a crush on him. Blaine wasn't shutting him off; on the contrary, they were always texting back and forth, rehearsing songs together. Kurt felt that this might really be _the real thing. _That was scaring him a little, considering how inexperienced he was. No way would he ever consider Karofsky's kiss like his first.

He got home at the same time as Finn, the boy was wet, shoulders hunched, fists deep in his pockets. School had finished almost two hours before. Even if Finn had come back on foot, he should have arrived a long time ago. He looked as bad as Rachel did, Kurt realized. He glanced interrogatively at his stepbrother, but Finn gave him a desperate look that clearly said "not now". He smiled at Finn comfortingly and they both entered the house. As Finn still lived in his childhood house, he didn't have another choice than to head downstairs in the room he had almost shared with Kurt.

Kurt watched him dive on the bed inconsiderately, shoes on and clothes wet, but he knew better and let him mourn for a while. A time would come for them to talk. It wasn't it, yet.

He let Finn there until Carole asked him to fetch his brother for dinner. Finn reluctantly followed, he had learned the hard way that you couldn't ditch Friday night dinner. Kurt watched him play with his food instead of eating. He wasn't talking much either, rather grunting answers to his mother and Burt. The conversation lingered on the moving, which would occur the next weekend. Finn had never been particularly involved in any decision about the new house but now he was almost dismissive of the all thing, shrugging unconcernedly at any suggestion.

Around dessert, Carole suggested they invited Rachel for dinner the following night, "I haven't seen the girl since the wedding," she said. Kurt's heart stopped, hadn't Finn told his mom?

Finn suddenly looked breathless, mouth hanging open, blinking furiously.

He was trying to speak but the words wouldn't leave his lips.

Carole looked frantically between her son and Kurt, who shook his head, indicating that Finn should explain. Finally, a croak escaped Finn's mouth, "no, mom, we broke up" before he finally succumbed to the sob he had been retaining since the tree farm. Carole got up in an instant, scooping her son in her arms, cradling his face.

"Oh, Finn, why, when, sweetheart…" she didn't know what to say, she had never seen her son so distraught.

She urged Kurt and Burt to leave them alone, dragging a chair for herself and resuming her embrace.

"She kissed Puck" Finn sobbed against his mother's chest, holding on to her.

As much as Kurt wanted to know what Finn would tell his mother, he still exited the room, pulling his father with him.

"Is kissing cheating?" Burt asked, as his son closed the door on the two Hudsons.

"It is when you're sixteen and in love," Kurt said. Burt didn't know the half of it he thought, yet he seemed really upset by the scene he had just witnessed. "I might have to ask for your advice later on that matter, dad, but for now…" he pushed his father towards the living room.

::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::

Carole was holding her son, supporting him as he heaved in deep sobs, hiccupping half sentences, soaking her blouse in tears.

She was holding her baby, the boy who had grown too fast, her six foot three of a son, as he had never let her. She couldn't make sense of any of it. She had tried to make a chronology of the events but it made things even harder to comprehend. From what she had gathered of Finn's cries he had broken up with Rachel three weeks previously, over a fight that had occurred a month ago. How could she have missed that? She had attributed her son's attitude to the holiday season, then the announcement of the moving; but had she been so engrossed in her own happiness that she had completely disregarded her own flesh's distress?

Or had Finn gotten that good at hiding his feelings?

His pain was contagious and she was welling up. He had never cried like that. Even when she had caught him singing to that sonogram. He had cried out of fear, because he knew he had made a mistake. Because he was scared and sorry. But now?

She could recognize a broken heart when she saw one. After all, her own heart had been in the same state fifteen years ago when she had gotten the news about her husband from the Military.

What she could understand the less was Rachel's action. If she doubted Finn's feeling towards his girlfriend (and she didn't in the slightest) there was no trace of a doubt when it came to Rachel's feeling towards Carole's son. Watching them together had been a treat to the eye, from the summer they had spent holding hands and kissing shyly in public, to the obviously filled with love looks they had exchanged at the wedding. There was no reservation at all to Carole that those two were meant to be together, even at their age. And she liked the young girl too. She felt she had a good influence on her son. She was kind and polite, helpful and appreciative, never giving the feeling that she was just buttering people up or being a hypocrite. She had seemed to have a rather difficult life herself. She knew what it was to live with a parent missing and never judged people for being poor or less able. And even if she seemed to know that she was very talented, she didn't rub it in people's faces, instead trying to bring their better side to light, as she had done with Finn.

Something had had to happen, and Carole didn't dare ask now. He had to cry all the retained tears. Had to give in to his despair once and for all before being able to sort things out, if he wanted to. But Carole couldn't question that he wanted to; her son wasn't angry at the moment, just utterly sad and lost. She hoped she'd be able to help him as she caressed his hair, feeling his sobs slowly weakening against her chest.

She waited a couple more minutes, letting him sniffle softly, before she helped him to his feet and led him to the basement. She didn't pressure him to talk, just edged him to walk, assisting him down the stairs.

She tucked him in like he was a child, kissing his forehead as he curled up in a ball and sobbed some more before surrendering to sleep.

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To be continued


	6. The one at the beach

I should have vowed to stay away from spoilers as I HATE what I've read about the superbowl and Valentine's day episodes.

I promise I will be finished with this story before the show resumes and will probably write more after those eps air…

And of course I neither own Glee nor Friends, nor any song I might use in this!

On to chapter 6 (really the end of chapter 5 but still)

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A feeble ray of winter sun awoke Finn late on Saturday morning. He rolled over groaning, taking in his surrounding, at first not understanding where he was. It was Kurt's basement, and for a split second he wondered why he had spent the night there. Then he remembered, freezing on the spot. The news was out and he would no longer be able to avoid the subject of one Rachel Berry with his mother or step-brother.

He rolled out of bed, rubbing his face, weighing his options. But there weren't many of them.

He took a deep breath and headed upstairs, dreading the confrontation that would undoubtedly greet him.

Sure enough when he reached the kitchen he recognized the smell of his mom's waffles, which she only made in case of desperate measures, and both she and Kurt were sitting at the table, waiting for him.

He had slept for twelve hours so he couldn't pretend to be too tired to have a conversation. He pondered telling them he needed a shower, which was the truth, but the look on their faces told him they wouldn't have it. He bowed his head and sat despondently, waiting for the fire of questions that would inevitably follow.

It didn't.

In a way Finn felt it was even worse. He raised his head, catching his mother's eyes. They were red and puffy, like his probably were. He wondered if she had been crying too and felt awful for making her feel that way.

"Mom," he started. He really didn't know what to say. He started chewing on his bottom lip, looking from his mother to Kurt, then back, sighing occasionally, finally crossing his arms stubbornly, waiting for _them_ to talk. After all he had done nothing wrong and didn't understand the feel of trial he was getting from the situation. He hated the look of amusement he could read on Kurt's face, that told him he was being ridiculous. He hated that he felt the same way.

His own emotions were battling inside his head, making it difficult for him to maintain his train of thoughts. He was mad, he was hurt, he was angry, he was sad, he was in denial. He was still in love with Rachel and he didn't want to be. He wanted to scratch her from his life and at the same time every time he saw her he couldn't help but wanting to kiss her and take her in his arms. He hated her so much right now. He hated that he had tried to help her yesterday. He hated that she hadn't let him. He loathed the non-conversation they had had near her car, the hurt in her voice and eyes, and the things she had said. And the thing _he_ had said; the past tense he had used. He didn't even know what was true anymore.

He was so immersed in his inner dialogue that Kurt's question made him jump.

"Do you think you can ever forgive her?" Wow, no preamble, no introduction, no chance to escape.

His "NO" left his lips so fast that even he felt it was too well practiced to seem believable. He cringed. Kurt was smiling.

"That's a start," the smaller boy chuckled.

Carole looked amazed at the technique Kurt had used. She got up, kissed her two boys on the head and left mouthing "call me if you need me" to Kurt.

"I've told her what I know," Kurt started, "but I've left out the gory details," he added, seeing the horrified look on Finn's face.

"I'm sorry but now's the time for you to answer some questions," Kurt took matter in his hands and resumed the discussion.

Finn sighed deeply, feeling foolish, like he had felt in Ms Pillsbury-Howell's office, that time with Rachel. He didn't like this therapy feeling he was getting. But he didn't like that he was unable to organize his thoughts himself, so maybe Kurt could help?

"What do you want to know?" Finn asked, already knowing the answer, but hoping against hope Kurt would spare him the inquisitive interrogatory. There was no such hope as Kurt answered: "Everything, and take your time: I've cancelled my spa appointment, my dad's at work for the inventory of the shop and your mom gave me carte blanche to question you, so she'll only be back when we need her. She really feels bad that you didn't talk to her."

Finn shook his head. He felt bad too. But now was not the time to talk about his mom. It was the time to talk about a small, brown-haired, brown-eyed girl that had turned his world upside down from the first time he had heard her sing. So he talked. For what felt like hours.

From his relationship with Quinn, tainted at times by his feeling for Rachel, from the pregnancy to the betrayal, from invitationals to regionals, to this year's sectionals.

From their first kiss in the auditorium to the last in the tree farm.

He didn't understand how easy it felt to talk to Kurt. He knew he wasn't being judged, just listened to; really _heard_. It was like talking to Rachel, it felt like home.

He explained why he had lied about his night with Santana. He really didn't want to hurt Rachel. But he hadn't thought the consequences through. And it felt like Kurt truly understood him too. At least he was nodding at all the right places and didn't interrupt him.

His speech was unorganized: he kept going back in time, jumping forward to recent events then remembering old ones, but he was pouring his heart out like he had never did before and he could feel the weight lifting from his shoulders.

When he felt that he was finished, he looked up at Kurt, opening his hands like he was offering his step-brother everything he had just said.

Kurt nodded, biting his lips. He got up and started to reheat Carole's waffles, offering some to Finn, whose stomach was rumbling, having skipped dinner the previous night.

Finn hadn't realized how hungry he was and started shoveling food in his mouth while watching his brother sitting in front of half a grapefruit and a mug of tea.

"I have some questions to ask," Kurt said, "you might not like them, but I really need to know."

Finn nodded, swallowing with difficulty.

Kurt was contemplating his options carefully; he was not sure as to where to begin.

"Let your anger towards Rachel aside for a minute, okay?" he tilted his head almost fearing an outburst from Finn but the quarterback just nodded. "You've told me at least twice that you were messed up by the fact that both your girlfriends have cheated on you. I've already asked you to think about what hurt the most, so tell me? What's worse? That they both cheated? That it was with Puck? What?"

"That it was Rachel." Finn answered miserably, it still hurt to think about it. "I never thought she would do that to me, literally never crossed my mind." He was shaking his head slowly, as if his still wouldn't believe what she had done.

"Is it like she said? Because you thought she was safe to date?"

Finn scoffed, "I don't know why she would think that."

"I know why," Kurt said. Finn's head jerked up, he looked dumbfounded.

"Finn, we're talking about Rachel, here, the girl that has been in love with you from the first time she laid eyes on you. You've been playing see-saw with her since you joined Glee-club, you told me yourself. She knows who she is and who she wants to become but she _knows_ she is a loser and that not many people like her. But somehow you wanted her too, and that would have been like something out of a dream, you know? Too good to be true… I should know," he smiled sheepishly.

"So, I know for a fact that her only fear was that you finally opened your eyes and questioned your reasons for being with her," Finn pushed a hand through his hair, looking embarrassed, "like you did last year?"

Finn gave an uncomfortable grimace. He remembered only too well telling her he didn't want to be a couple with her. But they hadn't been really dating at the time. Rather he'd felt trapped in a new relationship he couldn't label, just after having broken up with Quinn.

"But I've told her I love her," Finn tried to argue.

"I know that, but sometimes words are not enough. You also told her you wouldn't break up with her, yet you did. You told her you didn't give up easy, but next thing you know you're sleeping with Santana."

Finn pushed his plate in anger, "but it meant nothing! I told her that!" he spat.

"Told who?" Kurt stressed.

"Santana!" Finn was getting frustrated by the second.

"Have you told _Rachel_?"

Finn's mouth dropped open. Had he? He'd been so caught up by the fact that Rachel had heard the truth, from Santana no less, and was mad at _whom_ it was, that it hadn't crossed his mind to explain anything. They had argued over and over about the 'whens' and 'whos' but never about what had mattered the most to him. That it _didn't_.

"Finn, the fact that it _was_ Santana is really important to Rachel because of the way she treats her. She's the one who tortures Rachel the most, whether she wants to send her to Israel or criticizes her clothes, her height, her hands, there's nothing Rachel does that will please Santana. The only time she approved of Rachel was that Britney Spears' outfit but _you_ didn't like it and Rachel changed it back. Santana's the one who broke Rachel the news about you two, she told Rachel everybody only pretended to like her, she even got the solo at sectionals. Can't you see why it's important to Rachel? She knows she will never look like a cheerleader, she sees you eyeing them in the hall and there's nothing she can do about it. She doesn't tell you off but believe me, that doesn't make her hurt less."

"How do you even know that," Finn asked, feeling sick.

"I've seen it, and I've been talking to Mercedes. And Rachel. God, Finn, everybody sees you when you eye someone's butt, it's not like you're subtle…" Finn was blushing in shame but Kurt wasn't finished. "In your defense, I've seen you watch Rachel's butt too, so I take it you're a booty-man, but that's not the point, back to our business," Kurt added hastily, dismissing the subject. The two boys laughed coyly before Finn took a deep breath, rubbing his face in his hands. He sighed again. He knew the conversation was far from being over.

"There's a question I've wanted to ask, but I wasn't there so I have to take what Mercedes told me for granted here." Finn looked intrigued and Kurt went on, "yesterday when Rachel sang her song then left Glee-club, you followed her, what happened? I thought you didn't want anything to do with her?"

"I don't know," Finn sighed, " there was this song, and it really made me feel something and she had fell, and she looked so sad and so vulnerable, I just wanted to protect her, I guess." He shook his head in doubt, shrugging.

"Why now?" Kurt asked.

"What?"

"I've never seen you stand up for her before. She's been slusheed more than anyone in Glee-club; she's been on the receiving end of numerous bashes but you never took her side, if anything, you laughed? Has she ever told you anything about that?"

Finn remembered a time when Santana (always her) had criticized Rachel's look, "once she told me I could have defended her."

"What did you do?"

Finn closed his eyes in shame, "I told her Santana had a point and left," he thought about it a little longer. "And when she came back with that Britney outfit, I asked her to change back to her old clothes, God," he buried his face in his palms. "I'm the worst boyfriend ever."

Kurt didn't argue.

"Finn, you have to realize that Rachel forgave you all of those things," Kurt said, "she was so happy with you that she overlooked all your flaws. She _never_ asked you to protect her; she always felt that she could manage by herself. She only asked for your help once, and it was for _my_ sake, but you bailed on her."

Finn's chest tightened. He was a horrible person. Artie, Mike and Sam had taken hits, then, but he had only thought of himself and failed his friends. Rachel on the other hand had been the one to initiate things in favor of Kurt. How could he have called her mean?

"I'm sorry," he stated remorsefully.

"Really, it's okay; I'm better off at Dalton anyways," Kurt said, smiling dreamily, "but maybe you should think about all this?"

Finn nodded, looking distractedly at his half-eaten plate. A long shower then a walk in the rain would help, he thought. He got up slowly, distractedly hoping it was still raining.

"One last question," Kurt added, before his stepbrother left the kitchen.

Finn turned to him, waiting.

"Have you talked to Puck?"

"You're mental," Finn said.

"Yet you're still talking to him like nothing happened." Finn said nothing. "Maybe, you ought to know his side of the story, put things in perspective?"

"Rachel went to him to get back at me, that won't make me less mad at _her _to talk to _him_," Finn shrugged.

"Just a thought," Kurt said, "now please go wash!" he added laughing, waving his hand in front of his nose, "I'll see you tonight."

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It was dark again when Finn got back to the Hummel house for dinner. He had gotten home and spent the day walking aimlessly through Lima, going over Kurt's talk in his head. He was no closer to an answer than he had been waking up this morning and that made him miserable. He felt bad for Rachel but at the same time was still angry at her.

After a cold but dry day, it started to rain slightly when he turned to the corner of the Hummel's street. He raised his face to the mist, humming the smell he liked so much, remembering the time he had thought he could name his baby 'Drizzle'. Quinn had called her a moron then, he thought somberly. Thinking of it, she had called him names more than once, moron, stupid,… Rachel had never done that to him.

He had to stop thinking about her! It was insane how she popped into his mind unannounced all the freaking time. He was mad at her, he was _mad_ at _her_.

::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::

After dinner Finn was about to get back to his house to spend the night, hopefully playing videogames and not thinking about anything else. He kissed his mom and Burt goodnight and was looking for Kurt when he noticed the TV was on in the living room. There was no one there. He entered the room and was looking for the remote when his eyes caught the screen.

There was a bald chick in a bathing suit. She was kinda hot.

He kept watching as the bald girl walked off-screen, the other characters on screen looked familiar, like some old relative you can't just remember the name of.

_-__You can see the moonlight bouncing off her head! What the hell were you thinking?_

_-I don't know._

_-__You don't know? Rach, you balded my girlfriend!_

"Rach?" Oh yeah, that was that show where she had gotten her name from, she had told him. _Friends_. He'd never seen this episode; he kept staring at the TV, mesmerized.

_-__Y'know, hey! You're the one who ended it, remember?_

_-__Yeah, because I was *mad* at you, not because I stopped loving you!_

Wow, it was weird.

_-__You still love me?_

_-Noo._

_-__You still love me._

_-__Oh, y-yeah, so, you-you love me!_

_-__Noo, nnnnn. What does this mean? What do you, I mean do you wanna, get back together?_

_-__Noo! Maybe! I, I don't know. Ross, I still can't forgive you for what you did, I can't, I just, but sometimes when I'm with you I just, I feel so..._

_-__What?_

_-__I just, I feel, I-I just..._

_-__What?_

_-__I feel..._

And they were kissing.

And Finn's stomach churned painfully.

He was mad.

He still loved her.

He couldn't forgive her for what she had done.

He still loved her.

He…

He turned the TV off and threw the remote on the couch.

He crossed path with Kurt on his way out and mumbled a vague goodbye before going.

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Kurt entered the living room, opened the DVD player and returned the silver disk to the case he was holding behind his back when he had met with Finn in the hall.

He smiled ingenuously as he skipped out of the room, humming "I'll be there for you" to himself, clutching the DVD case to his chest.

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To be continued

I don't want Finn to be too quick to forgive Rachel and mess up again in some time so I hope you liked it this way, let me know...


	7. I'll be okay

Okay, on to chapter 7

It might be slightly shorter than the previous ones, not too sure yet!

Two more to go after this one and we'll be done

I myself might stop watching Glee altogether or really brace myself and abandon all hope of a Finchel reconciliation, but what would be the point then? Thank God for fanfics!

Thanks for the reviews, they really keep me going.

Disclaimer: I, Alas, don't own Glee, nor any song used in this fanfic which will be listed at the end of the chapter

Enjoy!

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Rachel hadn't really been hoping for any change after her conversation with Kurt and Mercedes. They had both texted her once over the week-end but it had been that. She had braced herself for her daily slusheeing and had brought two changes of clothes, just in case. She was trying to keep her head high and her look straight, but it was hard not to flinch every time she was crossing a football jock or a cheerleader.

Somehow, she got through the day without being too bothered, if you didn't count verbal aggressions by Santana or Quinn, although she felt that disregarding them actually made them try less, as if they forgot she was even there.

She was still sore from her fall at rehearsal the previous Friday. Her left arm was heavily bruised from hitting the floor and the humiliation she had endured would not soon leave her she felt, entering the choir room at the end of the day. She was about to head for the back of the room, when she heard Mr. Schuester call her, "Rachel, a word please."

She headed to him reluctantly, the Glee clubbers were not all in yet but she wouldn't be able to stand another public humiliation.

They spoke at the same time.

"Do you want me to quit Glee club?" / "Are you alright?"

"What?" / "What?"

It had been a long time since Mr. Schue had asked about her well being. Then again she had left the last practice in tears and way before the end of the lesson.

"Are you okay?" the teacher asked again, putting a gentle hand on her shoulder and searching her face.

"No," she shrugged, "but I will be," she added softly, "eventually," she finished under her breath.

Mr. Schuester smiled kindly. "Now why would I want you to quit Glee club?" He asked curiously.

Rachel shrugged again.

"If I find someone to replace me and there are still twelve members, I will, if you want me to…" she was stammering again. When had she become so unsure of herself?

"I know you don't like me being here." She swallowed hard, bowing her head.

"Rachel, I'm sorry for the way I talked to you before break, but I thought we were past that! I was not in a very good place myself as you know." He half-smiled, knowingly. "You are a challenging young lady and it's hard to work with you because for a start you're more talented than I am. But we need your energy and motivation, and we need _you_ to win at regionals, we can't make it without you. And you used to know that!"

Rachel sighed, "You _can_ win without me, and we _did_ win at sectionals without me singing more than back-up lines."

"No, actually, we tied..." Both Rachel and Mr. Schuester turned to see Finn blush furiously at interrupting them and mumbling some incoherent words before going to sit.

"Finn is right, Rachel," Mr. Shue added.

"We didn't win regionals last year, either," Rachel tried to argue, Mr. Schuester cut her. "Enough with that," he was smiling, "we need you, not as a twelfth member but as yourself, and that's my final word."

He smiled again and nudged her to go sit. Mercedes waved at her grinning and pointed to the empty seat on her left. Rachel obliged, smiling shyly.

"Okay guys, so for this week we're going to find songs about being 'okay' or 'alright'. Should inspire us after some bad weeks," he winked in Rachel's direction and she chuckled.

He nodded to the band and the musicians started playing.

The teacher started to sing:

_I  
Played the fool today  
And I  
Can see us vanishing into the crowd  
Longing for home again  
But home  
Is a feeling I buried in you_

_I'm alright  
I'm alright  
It only hurts when I breathe_

_And I can't ask for things to be still again  
No I can't ask for you  
To offer the world through your eyes  
Longing for home again  
But home  
Is a feeling I buried in you_

_I'm alright  
I'm alright  
It only hurts when I breathe  
I'm alright  
I'm alright  
It only hurts when I breathe_

He finished the song with the applause of twelve students and the complete band. He bowed playfully.

"Well, when you think about it, it's not as much about being alright as not being alright, but you know the feeling." He laughed to himself.

Rachel knew exactly what he meant as she had been feeling the exact same thing since the week before Christmas.

"Okay, off to you, on the top of your head, one verse, one chorus, Quinn?"

The blonde cheerleader started to sing:

_Someone keeps saying I could be a star_

_I'm never quite sure what that means_

_Sounds like there's something I'm missing right now_

_I'm not who they think I could be_

_But all that I'm missing is you, my love_

_Come find me whenever you can_

_I'll be the one looking up at the sun_

_With a picture of you in my head_

_Oh, I want you to know I'm okay,_

_I just need to know that you're waiting_

_You're waiting __for me_

Rachel felt sure that the song had more than one meaning. And she felt at this instant that it was dedicated to the baby Quinn had abandoned at the end of the previous school year. She felt a pang of sympathy for her fellow Glee clubber, wondering if the pain Quinn felt had anything to do with the way she acted towards her. Sometimes it was surely easier to be cruel than give in to depression. She had done this exact same thing when she had kissed Noah she thought before shaking the idea away. Better not think about that or she would definitely succumb to tears again.

Mercedes was next. She squeezed Rachel's hand before starting, silently dedicating the song to her new friend.

_Time don't stop and wait for pain  
Pain does fade away in time  
Guess it all was just a game  
When you gave your heart and I gave mine_

_I'm okay (I'm okay)  
I'm just fine  
We fade away, hardly crossed my mind_

_I'm okay (I'm okay)  
My memories, they comfort me  
Thoughts of what we used to be_

"Very good," Mr. Shue egged on, "Rachel, you're next."

She took a deep breath and sang.

_It's time to let you go  
It's time to say goodbye  
There's no more excuses  
No more tears to cry_

_There's been so many changes  
I was so confused  
All along you were the o__ne  
All the time I never knew_

_Throw away the chains  
Let love fly away  
Till love comes again  
I'll be okay_

She managed a half hearted smile to Finn when she finished but he didn't return it and turned his back to her.

"Nice one!" Mr. Schue was enjoying himself, addressing each student at a time, "Brittany!"

_I just want to be ok, be ok, be ok  
I just want to be ok today  
I just want to be ok, be ok, be ok  
I just want to be ok today_

_I just want to feel today, feel today, feel today  
I just want to feel something today  
I just want to feel today, feel today, feel today  
I just want to feel something today_

Everyone was singing along, smiles were creeping on each face as each student sang their song.

"Artie, your turn!"

_When everything is going wrong  
And things are just a little strange  
It's been so long now  
You've forgotten how to smile.  
And overhead the skies are clear  
But it still seems to rain on you,  
And your only friends all have  
Better things to do._

_When your down and lost  
And you need a helping hand  
When your down and lost  
Along the way  
Oh, just tell yourself  
Ah, I'll be OK_

Finn was last. He threw a furtive and fierce look in Rachel's direction and started his song.

_When I wake in the morning,  
I want to blow into pieces.  
I want more than just ok, more than just ok.  
When I'm up with the sunrise  
I want more than just blue skies.  
I want more than just ok, more than just ok._

_I'm not giving up, giving up, not giving up now.  
I'm not giving up, giving up, not backing down._

_More than fine, more than bent on getting by.  
__More than fine, more than just ok._

Rachel felt sure he was patronizing her. She couldn't understand his actions towards her, one minute he wanted to help her, the next he was condescending. As if he couldn't make his mind.

She was lost in thoughts when she felt Mercedes touch her arm, saying goodbye. She smiled to the other girl and collected her things. She was almost at the door when Finn called her. She hadn't realized they were the last two people in the room and it made her really uncomfortable.

"Can we talk?" he asked.

She didn't answer but didn't move either, waiting for him to say what was on his mind.

He was in front of her, watching the angry bruise on her forearm. He softly raised his hand and brushed his fingers against her purplish skin. She jerked her arm away, either from the pain or the goose bumps his touch elicited on her. It was becoming hard to breathe.

"Are we going to stop this song war? With you singing you'll be fine and me saying I'll be more than fine? It's not like us…"

She was eyeing him in awe. He had been the one to answer to her song by singing he wanted to be 'more than just okay'. She really didn't understand.

"Hum, Finn," she started, cautiously, "it's exactly what's we've always been doing _you and me_, singing our feelings to each other." She paused, trying to decipher his distant stance. "Besides, you made it pretty clear that there was no _us_ anymore." She finished, sighing, shaking her head slowly.

"Can we go back to being friends?" he asked, out of nowhere.

"Can you forgive me?"

The conversation made no sense but somehow they both thought that they understood the other.

"I don't know." He shook his head, averting his eyes.

She sighed, "Then I don't see the point," she closed her eyes slowly. "We were never really friends to begin with. I asked you to be my friend when I started dating Jesse, but before that all I wanted was for us to be, well, _us_," she shrugged again. "There has never been a point when I didn't want you to be more than my friend. When I didn't want _you_"

"Or where I haven't been chasing you," he said defiantly.

"Don't," she raised her hand to stop him. "We can't be friend because we never were, not without being together. There's only so many times I can apologize and you won't hear it, so I really have no choice here. Losing your love I lost not only my best friend, but my _only_ friend and that's all I can take right now. I can't go back to yearning for you, it hurts too much, I would always wish…" She bit her lips together.

"Besides, you're quarterback again. You're not _just_ another Glee loser, you don't need me. I'm bad for your reputation, anyway." She was fighting hard against her tears. Her jaw clenched in a desperate attempt to stop herself from completely losing control.

"Why did you kiss him?" he asked. His surprised expression told her that he hadn't planned to ask her that.

She shook her head bitterly. She was going to lose it. The sobs were preventing her to talk coherently and she knew it, but still she tried:

"She had just told me… And you were flirting with her in the hall…," her voice cracked. " And you had just said she was superhot... And she came and she said…"

She stopped, breathless. She swallowed hard, crushed a tear that had escaped her eye and crossed her arms across her chest.

She sighed deeply, "I was hurt and angry," she just said.

He looked at her for a long time, hurt registering on his face.

She knew she looked just as hurt.

"Why did you sleep with her?" And before he answered she knew what he would say.

"I was hurt and angry." He said slowly, swallowing his tears.

Rachel nodded and smiled weakly. Everything had been said.

"Bye Finn," she touched his arm and headed to the door.

"What did she say to you?" he called after her.

She turned slowly to face him. "That you bought her dinner, _after…_" she could take no more and was gone in the blink of an eye.

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Finn watched her walk quickly along the hallway. It took him a minute to register the last information he had gotten and his heart leapt in his throat.

He had paid for the motel _before_ and she had asked him to take her to a burger joint _after_, but they had gone to the drive-through, and she had paid for her food. He had been too disgusted with himself to even think to eat anything.

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To be continued!

Thanks to SLopez for the hint :) (Check her stories, they're great!)

The songs used here:

Will: Greenwheel – Breathe

Quinn: Sarah Bettens – I'm okay

Mercedes: Chrisette Michele – I'm okay

Rachel: Amanda Marshall – I'll be OK

Brittany: Ingrid Michaelson – Be OK

Artie: McFly – I'll be OK

Finn: Switchfoot – More than fine

Until next time…


	8. Broken strings

Okay guys, really short transitional chapter, because I promised I would update today!

Angsty, sad stuff as always but I promise they will get back together at the end of this story, or I wouldn't have called it "eventually". I'm a hardcore Finchel shipper so trust me on this one.

Disclaimer: I do not own Glee, its characters, its school or settings; I neither own the song used here, "Broken strings" by James Morrison and Nelly Furtado.

Hope you enjoy.

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The previous week had flown in a daze for Finn and Rachel, neither of them had mentioned their last altercation. They were not avoiding each other anymore but their conversations were limited to _hi's_, _bye's _and Glee small talk. Rachel was still determined to give him all the space he supposedly needed while Finn still refused to admit he was too pigheaded to forgive her already. He was missing her like crazy. Had even told his mom during the moving to the new Hudson/Hummel family house, resulting in a conversation that had ended with her telling him that Quinn probably had cheated on him because she didn't love him, while Rachel had because she loved him too much.

How you could love someone so much that you would want them to hurt, he couldn't understand. So he had pushed the idea in the back of his mind and resumed his mourning state and official "I hate her" statements.

It was the last week of January. They'd been broken up for almost six weeks now and it didn't hurt any less. Although he wasn't sure if what hurt the most was her betrayal or the sudden lack of her in his life. Not that he would give that anymore thoughts than necessary, for fear of actually realizing that he just wanted her back.

There was a big football game coming this Friday and that was something to focus on. The weather hadn't been that bad, the humidity preventing the snow to stand, and although he would have loved a white winter those were ideal conditions for the upcoming event.

It was the last Glee rehearsal of the week, the usual one on Friday would be cancelled to give a chance to the players and the Cheerios to leave early for practice.

Since it was a light week for him, Mr. Schuester had proposed a series of duets, taking place on two days. He had reformed the duets from the previous competition, much to Rachel's dismay, and paired Lauren Zizes with Puck. Each duo had to pick a number from Mr. Schue's hat and stick to the song written on it, no matter if they liked it or not, the point being able to improvise. "You will not always be able to chose what songs you want to perform, so that will give you some practice for when you're Broadway stars," he'd winked at Rachel.

Rachel had picked number six, which meant they would go last on the second day. If she had thought it would be hard to sing with _him _for the first time after the breakup; when Finn picked the song paper, twenty minutes before the end of practice on Thursday her heart actually stopped. _Broken strings,_ like broken hearts or broken relationships. It was bad and she knew there was no point trying to argue with Mr. Schue, but the irony of the draw wasn't lost on her. There were fifty titles in that hat. Couldn't they have picked a cheery song like… she couldn't think of a duet that wasn't a love song but any other song would have been better than this one. It was too soon, too true, too similar to _their_ story.

Finn registered her terrorized eyes and read the paper. He understood at once and seemed as frightened as she was. How could they, how _would_ they be able to sing that? But Brad had already read the paper and given instructions to the band. The first note rang and he had to sing:

_Let me hold you for the last time  
It's the last chance to feel again  
But you broke me  
Now I can't feel anything_

_When I love you, rings so untrue  
I can't even convince myself  
When I'm speaking, it's the voice of someone else_

_Oh it tears me up  
I try to hold on, but it hurts too much  
I try to forgive, but it's not enough to make it all ok _

He tried very hard not to look at her in the eyes. The last two sentences had been playing in his mind for the last month and a half, only in his own words.

_You can't play on broken strings  
You can't feel anything  
that your heart don't want to feel  
I can't tell you something that ain't real  
Oh the truth hurts  
A lie's worse  
How can I give anymore  
When I love you a little less than before _

Yeah, the truth hurt, but he wasn't buying the whole "a lie's worse" part. Although he wasn't sure how he would have taken it if Rachel hadn't admitted to kissing Puck and he had heard it from someone else months later, heard if from Puck himself. He was shuddering at the thought when Rachel started her part.

_Oh what are we doing  
We are turning into dust  
Playing house in the ruins of us _

They started again together:

_Running back through the fire  
When there's nothing left to save  
It's like chasing the very last train  
when it's too late, too late_

_Oh it tears me up  
I try to hold on but it hurts too much  
I try to forgive, but it's not enough to make it all ok _

Their harmonies were flawless; they circled each other, making eye contact.

_You can't play on broken strings  
You can't feel anything  
That your heart don't want to feel  
I can't tell you something that ain't real  
Oh the truth hurts  
A lie's worse  
I cannot give any more  
When I love you a little less than before _

Wait, "love you less"? Hum, that line wasn't true in the slightest. If anything he felt he loved her more. Which of course made things even more difficult. It would have been so easy to just stop loving her the moment she had broken his heart.

_Oh we're running through the fire  
When there's nothing left to save  
It's like chasing the very last train  
When we both know it's too late _

"Too late" she said instead of singing, bowing her head. They each raised a hand, making their palms meet, his hand so much larger than hers.

_You can't play on broken strings  
You can't feel anything  
That your heart don't want to feel  
I can't tell you something that ain't real  
Oh the truth hurts  
A lie's worse  
I cannot give any more  
When I love you a little less than before_

_Let me hold you for the last time  
It's the last chance to feel again _

The music died with their voices. They intertwined the fingers that were still touching and let their hands fall to the side. Their eyes were still locked and they were panting slightly, unable to break the connection.

They had mastered the song, there was no denying it, but the tension was such that no applause came to break the trance Finn and Rachel were sharing. The Glee-clubbers were exchanging stunned looks and Mr. Schuester was open mouthed in shock, he hadn't expected such a performance.

No one saw it happen but all of a sudden Rachel and Finn were in each other's arms.

It had nothing to do with a lover's embrace. They were holding onto each other as onto dear life, both knowing that if the other had meant their part of the song then it was the end of Finchel. More definitive than official breakups or weeks of awkward small talk.

They were holding onto their last glimpse of hope, both too proud to make the first step towards the other, across the virtual distance that their physical closeness couldn't erase.

"Just get a room, already," spat Santana. But no one laughed and Puck even ignored the high five she tried to share with him, leaving her with her hand held up and looking sickened.

Mercedes was actually shedding silent tears at the sight of her two friends' desperate clinch. She didn't have much experience when it came to relationships with boys but she didn't understand how too people that much infatuated with each other couldn't work out their differences. Quinn squeezed her arm sympathetically and when the bell finally rang they silently headed to the exit, followed by the rest of the club.

How long they stayed in the choir room, neither of them could tell. The school had grown silent and no more daylight was peering from the door's window when they finally released their embrace, assessing each other's decomposed face. They both smiled weakly and exited the room, still holding hands, fearing that when they eventually let go it would be it. Had they talked, they would maybe have been able to actually _hear_ each other out this time, but their own stubbornness got the best of them and they just remained silent until they had to part, each of them going back to their respective home.

"See you tomorrow," they said in unison, their minds still so alike that they used the exact same words. At the exact same time.

It made them smile.

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To be continued

Okay, so I had this second part for this chapter but it's actually not gonna work just then, so it's for the next chapter (I need to break Finn's arm, literally).

My ultimate goal would be to make some of you cry (because I'm almost crying myself when I write those) so let me know if I managed that or not! ;)

I'm evil that way!


	9. Broken bones

So here's the chapter as it was originally intended, since I didn't mean to write the last one but felt like I had to!

Disclaimer: I own nothing from Glee (except the first season on DVD)

No songs in this one as far as I've planned it.

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So they were back to square one, back to square zero if that even existed. They'd say 'hi' this morning and Rachel had given him his 'lucky jersey' back for the big game that night.

Only it didn't feel lucky or right in any way. It smelled freshly laundered and not at all like she had slept in it like they had originally intended when they had started this ritual. Before.

She hadn't given his "property of McKinley" grey T-shirt back and he wondered if maybe she had kept this one to sleep in. Or maybe she had just forgotten?

He hadn't asked.

She'd said 'good luck'.

He'd just said 'thanks'.

That had been it.

Just like couple's counseling, you couldn't have couple's interaction when you weren't a couple.

He'd watched her go to her next class.

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The day had been spent receiving encouragements from all the school, it seemed. Everyone was high-fiving the team as they passed the hallways, the teachers had sent their best and announcements had even been made through the speakers. The electricity in the air was palpable.

Anticipation was at its highest when Finn entered the locker-room, he was filled with a mixture of stage fright and excitement. He was the first one in, thinking of it he was really early, not having a girlfriend to hold him back or anyone to bully for a last adrenaline rush.

He pulled his sweater and T-shirt off at the same time and shoved them unceremoniously into his locker. He put his undershirt on then bent to his gym-bag and grabbed the clean #5 jersey. He buried his face in it to try and find the last whiff of her, from her bag, or her car, or her hands when she had returned it. He couldn't say if he was relieved or disappointed when he didn't smell it.

Puck entered the room, catching him red-handed, sniffing his shirt.

"Berry?" Puckerman asked.

"Not anymore," Finn answered, putting the jersey on his bag in order to put on his shoulder pads, eyeing Puck cautiously, fulminating, wondering if he should ask what was torturing him inside.

"Dude, why?" he finally blurted, his voice shaking with frustration.

Puck crossed his arms over his chest, leaning against the lockers and waiting for the rest of the question. When it didn't come he asked, "why what?"

"You knew I'm in love with her!"

"Am?" Puck repeated ironically.

"Was. Used to be. Doesn't matter." Finn shook his head, pursing his lips.

"Well, I think it does, considering your constant moaning and that song yesterday." Puck turned away and started to open his own locker, knowing something would follow.

"Why?" Finn asked again.

"Bro, sorry to be the one to tell you, but Berry is hot!" Puck didn't know which of the 'whys' he was thinking about he should answer first.

"You don't think I know that?" Finn scoffed, disgusted.

"Yeah? Care to tell her once in a while?"

"I hav…" he stopped mid sentence, he _had_ right?

Yes! At the wedding, when she had asked, he'd told her… She had had to ask. But surely there had been other times right? _Right_?

His mind flashed back to when Rachel had reassured him about his looks when he had freaked out about playing in his underwear for Rocky Horror. He had almost shrugged off her question about him thinking she was hot. And there had been this dreadful session with Ms Pillsbury-Howell. Where he had been unable to end a sentence and had been unable to answer if he thought Santana was prettier than Rachel: NO! Or had said Santana was 'super hot'. There had been a '_but'_ after that. A 'but' that had been cut out by Rachel storming out. A 'but in a slutty way'. A 'but you are so hot too, that Bon Jovi mash-up you did, God, I wanted…'

But of course he had said nothing.

Puck was waiting defiantly for an answer, "thought so…" he said, returning to his locker.

"What does it have to do with anything?" Finn snapped.

"Maybe if you had said the right thing at the right time I wouldn't have had to pick up the pieces of your girlfriend."

"Don't make me beat the crap outta you," growled Finn whose anger was rising slowly but surely at his former best friend.

"Why haven't you already?" Puck asked curiously, then seeing Finn's utter incomprehension, "I mean, when you heard about Quinn and I you were all over me. Or maybe it's not as bad because it was just a kiss?"

"It's worse," Finn collapsed against his locker, answering questions Puck hadn't asked and probably didn't want answered, "it's worse because I love her, and she did it to hurt me. It's worse because she chose you. It's worse because I loved her," he repeated, sliding to a sitting position on the floor.

"You said that already," Puck registered Finn's faltering voice and dejected face. "So why didn't you punch me? Would have proved you cared," he shrugged.

"You stopped it," was all Finn answered.

"Well, yeah, but I also _started_ it, didn't I?" he raised his hands before him, as if to stop Finn from coming at him, but Finn was so appalled he wasn't moving, instead watching Puck with a hanging mouth.

Puck went on; he'd rather see Finn disgustingly happy with Rachel than having to deal with _this_ Finn, who would surely lose them the game if he didn't snap out of it.

"She was all worked up over Santana being mean to her, and dude, she was the one to break the news to her and you didn't say a word? Anyhow, she was sad and shit and I took her home and we talked, but I don't know, she wanted you to feel _bad_, but she didn't want to _hurt _you or_ cheat._ And it was me because I was _there_, not because I was _me_, if you know what I mean."

Finn shook his head, "she would have gone all the way with you."

"That 's crap! You just wanna believe that so you won't forgive her, but you know that's not true. Hey, you think she'd do it with me when she hasn't put out for you in the what? Six months you've been together? Don't you think it's kind of too much for her?" Finn was shaking his head stubbornly.

Puck was getting frustrated by Finn's lack of reactions.

"For God's sake, she kept biting me! Not so hot. And not at all like she usually kisses… you should know better than me."

Finn knew… Rachel was a great kisser, the way she would nibble his bottom lip… He hated that Puck knew that, though. Then again Puckleberry had been an issue before Finchel ever existed.

"Why don't you forgive her already?" asked Puck, helping him get back on his feet.

Finn shrugged again, "it's not just about me forgiving her anymore, is it? I mean, it's been too long, we can't go back to where we left off, she won't just come back if I forgive her."

The other players were beginning to enter the locker room.

"She might," Puck said pointedly, returning to his side of the bench and starting to put his equipment on.

_We'll never know__,_ Finn thought, pulling his jersey over his head and moving on to his shoes. He might have already forgiven her but he was in no way ready to admit it. Especially to himself.

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The first two quarters of the game went well enough, the score was even and the Cheerios had given an amazing performance at the half-time intermission. So far all points for WMHS had been won by other players, but at the start of the third quarter Finn managed to run to the end zone and scored a touchdown. Elated and full of joy he let his mind wander to Rachel, who he had dismissed at the back of his head for the previous 45 minutes.

It was absurd, the way she would pop into his mind at the least expected moment. But here she was again, and he remembered he hadn't lived up to his promise to dedicate a touchdown to her.

Unconsciously, his eyes roamed the bleachers. But of course she wasn't there. And he knew she wasn't, he would have felt it if she had been.

He was missing the blue "team Finn" T-shirt, too.

Admittedly, he had been a little ashamed by it the first time she had worn it to one of his basketball games, but now, as he sorrowfully screened the public hoping against hope that she was there anyway, he wondered where she was and what she might be doing at this instant.

His distraction had only lasted a couple of seconds but it cost him the necessary time to avoid another player from colliding with him, sending him on the cold-hardened earth.

He was on the ground before he felt any pain and his thoughts jumped to Sean in his bed, unable to move a finger. And there was Rachel again, who had been helping his friend with singing lessons, and as far as he knew was still going there every now and then. More than he went himself. She really wasn't mean. Like _at all_.

He tried moving his feet, his legs, his arms. Everything worked. Except for the hand that was still clutching the ball. He tried to get up, but handicapped by his arm and the equipment he felt like a broken puppet. Sam and Mike pulled him up on his feet and headed him to the infirmary stand.

He'd broken his right forearm, as far as the nurse could tell. There would have to be X-rays, at best just a cast, an operation if it was anything worse, with a metal plate and screws she said, but he wasn't listening.

The football season was over after this game so it wasn't too bad and he could manage without basketball.

As his mom drove him to the hospital Finn thought of the game going on and how they had to win it. And he thought of Rachel again, smiling about it for the first time in what seemed forever.

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They didn't win.

He hadn't played the rest of the game but somehow that earned him a return ticket to the loser caste of the school, along with a slushee facial.

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To be continued

sorry it was so short!

Told you I had to break some bones (you'll know why next chapter!)

Two more to go and we're done, I think, unless my twisted mind wants more drama!


	10. Best I'll ever be

Okay, here we go again!

For those wondering "what cast?" at reading the first line of this chapter, please make sure you've read chapter 9 "broken bones", because I have a feeling that it went unnoticed by most of you having a title so similar to the previous one (am I right?)

Anyhow, reviews are always more than welcomed (thanks to the faithful reviewers, always a thrill to read you :) )

Three more weeks until Glee resumes, with its unfortunate couple choices as it seems…

I don't own anything, of course, or I'd have been at the Golden Globes last night (is it true Lea Michele got booed?)

Songs by Anouk (cf. the first chapter of this fic) and Sister Hazel, best song in the universe for me (youtube (dot) com/watch?v=a8tk-CHmkfY)

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The cast was a bitch.

It had only been on for less than twenty four hours but Finn was already losing his mind. For a start it itched. Like you wouldn't believe. And he couldn't do anything. Holding a videogame controller was impossible. A fork? Don't even mention it. He had had to ask his mom for help dressing up, he had had to wrap his arm in a bag to shower and as he lay on his bed on this Saturday afternoon he was bored senseless. He couldn't believe how useless his left hand felt. He was a drummer after all; he could be coordinated, right? But no, he had to be honest with himself, coming out of drumsticks and footballs he was just no good, he hadn't been able to make the hand gesture properly when he had told Kurt he was going to dance with him at the wedding.

So he was switching through channels with fingers too large for the buttons of the remote, cursing not so silently at his misfortune.

He had tried to help Kurt preparing for their housewarming party this very night but the smaller boy had sent him away, arguing that he was messing with his planning duties, which was true, all thumbs as he was at the moment.

He wasn't sure if he was excited about the party at all. The guys had filled him in with the outcome of the game and he was feeling a little down, knowing that hadn't he been injured they would have had a shot at winning.

He wondered how he would keep up with taking notes in class since he was right-handed and couldn't hold a pen without his handwriting looking like a four years old's. Two months ago the answer would have been easy. Rachel would have been more than happy to lend him her notes for the classes they shared and help him catch up on the subjects they didn't. But that was two months ago. He wasn't sure she wouldn't help him anyway but given the state of their current interactions he wasn't sure he would dare ask.

He reckoned he would see her tonight at the party and see what she offered, if she offered anything at all. He was hoping they could actually talk, maybe figure a way to be around each other again. He still didn't know how he felt regarding the whole cheating story, but at the same time he couldn't figure his life without her in it, he wanted to talk to her all the time, he just didn't know how.

His mom and Burt had left the house to them for the night, going to a bed and breakfast for the week-end to relax after a frantic week of moving, sorting and shelving two houses in one. They trusted their children to be reasonable and not give in to alcohol or drugs. They'd made them swear.

Much like the Hummel's old house, the new one had a basement that Kurt had arranged as a lounge-like room, since they both had their own bedrooms upstairs. They'd invited friends to come over tonight as a mean of celebrating the moving in.

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Music was loud and Puck had actually managed to sneak in some six packs, but not so much that Carole would be too upset, Finn thought. He was sitting on the couch, nursing a bottle he had barely touched and turning his head anxiously to the door every time it opened.

"You know she's not gonna come, right?" Kurt said, sitting next to him, flushed from entertaining his guests, obviously enjoying himself.

"What?" Finn cursed himself for sounding like a wounded dog. "How do you know?"

"She felt like it was too soon, you know. Like you wouldn't want her around anyhow." Kurt shrugged, he understood Rachel's point of view but regretted her not being here, nonetheless.

Finn let himself fall backwards against the couch and rested his head on the top of the backrest, staring into space.

"Did you invite her?" Kurt asked curiously. He'd called Rachel the day before, just before the game, to know her whereabouts. She'd filled him in with the events of the week, the duet, she giving back the lucky jersey, and the fact that she didn't know how to act around Finn anymore.

"I invited the Glee club, I didn't think past that. Didn't you ask her to come?"

"I did," Kurt smiled softly. "But our friendship is too new to overcome what you two have, or had. Beside, Santana's here and the way she's been giving you the hairy eyeball all night I bet she boasted to Rachel about coming tonight and acting on it," he grimaced slightly.

Finn's eyes shot towards the cheerleader who was indeed seizing him up, making suggestive movements with her lips and eyes. Finn scoffed, disgusted. "I'm outta here," he said, putting down his beer and heading to the stairs.

Santana approached him as he made his way towards the exit and slid a seductive finger along his arm, "so, are you gonna let me sign that cast?" she asked, pouting.

Finn didn't know where his sentence came from but he heard himself answering her "since when are you so willing to nibble on Rachel Berry's leftovers?" he pushed her away and hurried up the stairs, leaving her speechless and fuming next to a snickering Puck.

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He was pacing his room furiously. The nerve on that girl! He couldn't believe he had let her tell Rachel. She _had_ warned him that she would, he still couldn't get his head around the fact that she _had. _He should have told Rachel himself. He should have shut Santana down way sooner. He shouldn't have slept with her in the first place. He had more judgment than that. Deep, deep inside… Shoulda, woulda, coulda… dammit, he was seriously considering hitting furniture but a glance at his encased arm made him stop. He definitely didn't need breaking another bones.

He sat on his bed dejectedly. How had he let this girl, that he didn't even remotely _like_, mess with his life that badly?

He didn't know what to do. His mom had always told him to never go to sleep with a burdened heart, but beside her there was really only one person he wanted to talk to.

He picked up his phone and dialed the numbers slowly. The call went directly to voicemail. It wasn't that late that she was already sleeping he thought. He exhaled noisily and started talking: "hey, it's me. Finn. But you got that. *Sigh* I just… I just wanted to talk. I thought you'd be here tonight… Did they tell you I broke my wrist? Anyhow, just wanted to speak with you. Well, anyway… *Sigh* Bye."

He hung up sickened; there should definitely be an app for deleting stupid voicemail you left to your ex-girlfriend you didn't even know what to say to.

He considered going back downstairs but didn't feel like it. He texted Kurt to excuse him to their guests and slumped once more on his bed, the violent motion sending a tide of pain through his broken arm. He sat up, cradling his arm with his left hand and grabbed the bottle of painkiller on his night stand. He was only half surprised when he opened to door to the Jack and Jill bathroom and came face to nose with Kurt who was about to knock.

"How are you feeling?" Kurt enquired.

Finn delayed his answer by pouring himself a glass of water and swallowing two tablets of painkillers. He sat on the edge of the bathtub and looked at his feet sheepishly.

"Oh my God, you called her!" Finn's head jerked up, how could he possibly know that?

Kurt's fanned himself with his hand, leaning against the sink, facing his step-brother, "what did you say?"

"I just left a stupid message. Wish I hadn't…" Finn felt foolish.

"Okay, I asked you once, I'm gonna ask you again until I get the answer I want to hear, _can_ you forgive her?"

"I _don't know_ dude, she cheated on me!" he stammered, punching his knees with his closed fists, regretting it immediately, fucking cast!

"I know that, Finn, and that's the only thing she can never change, no matter how much she wants to." Kurt ran his hand through his hair pensively. "So unless you're ready to forgive her and let all this sordid story behind, I suggest you don't get the poor girl's hopes up. You can't go and break her heart again."

"What about _my_ heart?" Finn snapped.

"It's not a case of who did what to whom and when anymore. You've thought about it enough, and either you can't forgive her and you have to get over her, either what you too have is special enough that you want to fight for it and give each other another chance." It seemed to Finn that it was the most sensible thing anyone had said to him about the whole ordeal.

He thought about that fateful day in the hallway when he had asked her exactly that, were _they_ a part of something special? He already knew his answer and the thirty seconds when he'd heard her say yes and they'd hug, his face buried in her hair, inhaling her scent, had been pure bliss. Until she'd crushed everything with her revelation. On his request.

He growled in frustration. Every time he thought he had a conclusion he was back to the beginning of the essay. He sighed for what felt like the umpteenth time. He gave a weak smile to Kurt and sent him back to the party with his thanks. Kurt left defeated. He had really hoped to be the one to unknot Finn Hudson's mind.

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The next day Kurt let Finn help him put the house in order after the party. There were cups scattered on the floor, crumbs of chips and tacos everywhere in the basement and a vague perspiration scent that took an hour of cold January draft to erase. Things weren't so bad, nothing had been damaged, no beverage had been spilled, no one had smoked. All in all they had good, decent friends!

Kurt didn't dare initiate a conversation on Rachel again and Finn didn't start one either. They conversed amicably on their respective Glee clubs, neither knowing what their Regionals set lists were there was no competition between them yet.

Kurt ranted a bit about Blaine. Nothing had happened yet between the two but Finn had the feeling the situation would soon evolve.

Their parents got back for dinner and Kurt left for Dalton shortly after that, making Finn promise to keep him updated. He didn't elaborate but Finn knew what he was talking about.

Finn got to his room really early, leaving his mom and Burt snuggling in front on the TV. He reached for his laptop and turned it on. A blue desktop greeted him. He hadn't had the heart to replace the photo he had taken off a couple of weeks previously.

His hands fidgeted a little on the track pad, his right one still not accustomed to the weight of the cast. He logged onto myspace and retrieved the profile he was looking for.

He had never been there on his own he had to admit. Rachel had shown him her page and some of her videos but he had never investigated further, he hadn't had to, he had had the real thing…

He scrolled down to the bottom of the page and read his way up, following the correct chronology.

There were some rude comments there. Mostly from cheerios. Mostly from Quinn. He screwed his face and scrolled up slowly. He'd seen most of the videos there. He had even filmed some of them himself. There was a video of the wedding, when they had sung "marry you", then a gap until December the 23th. The day they had went Christmas tree shopping.

He launched the video and watched her sing. She had obviously sang that when she had gotten home after the breakup.

_We're breaking things we can't repair  
and none of us will take the blame  
No, nothing can be done this time  
All the memories that we made  
I threw them all away  
There's no need to talk it over _

She looked disheveled. She wasn't belting the song as usual but the emotion behind it was overwhelming.

_Don't let me get you down  
Let's just move on  
I am setting you free  
'Cause I don't wanna hurt no more_

Finn's heart clutched in his chest. She was clearly hurting and it broke his heart to see her so vulnerable.

_So I wait 'til morning comes_  
_You made it clear that it has been only pain loving me_  
_The things that we won't do for love_  
_I am setting you free_

Finn swallowed hard, his eyes welling up. She had told him already that she had to let him fly free for their relationship to work. He had felt so proud of them that day, but in retrospect he had been a jerk to her that time too. He had pushed her away so many times he couldn't count them. For his reputation. For fear of being hurt. For stupid reasons.

He scrolled up to the last video. It was dated on the previous night.

The video was very different than the others. For a start she was sitting on her bed. She rarely sat when she sang, something to do with air columns. Second she was playing the guitar. Not the electric pink one that was on a stand in her room but an acoustic one. She'd only played once for him. She didn't like it much because she wasn't good at it. She was still taking lessons and he knew she would never dare give a performance that didn't seem perfect in her eyes. This was a risk she was taking and he could feel her nervousness in the few moments before she began singing.

_I miss you  
I miss being overwhelmed by you  
And I need rescue  
I think I'm fading away  
But I keep thinking that you'll wake me up with a whisper in my ear  
I keep hoping that you'll sneak in my room  
_

She missed a chord and grimaced a little, Finn smiled to himself, she was so adorable when she wasn't in control.

_So I wait and I wait  
And I run old scenes through my tired head  
Of the days we laid by the school and said forever  
Was that the best I'll ever be_

The song felt like she was singing it for him. The time stamp was telling him she'd recorded it after he'd left his message. Had she listened to it yet?

_I miss you  
I miss talking all night long with you  
And I need this to find a way to your home  
My love can you hear me  
Have I been hoping loud enough, wishing hard enough  
Can you see me when I'm asleep all alone - alone_

_So I wait and I wait  
And I run myself in the same old circles  
I sit and I stare  
And I run old scenes through my tired head  
Of the days that we laid by the school and said forever  
Was that the best I'll ever be_

He swallowed hard again, registering her bowed face, concentrated on the strings and her fingers. He felt every word as if they were his own; he'd been feeling the same things ever since he'd ended things with her.

Her voice cracked a little but she was keeping up nevertheless. He knew her; she just had to finish the song, no matter how.

_Can't keep my hands from shaking  
Stumbling through the wreckage again  
But you're gone_

_So I wait and I wait  
And I run myself in the same old circles  
And I sit and I stare  
And I run old scenes through my tired head  
Of the days that we laid on our backs and said forever  
Was that the best I'll ever be  
Was that the best I'll ever be  
Was that the best I'll ever be_

He ran his fingers along her figure on the screen. He hadn't realized he'd started crying until he had to blink and heavy tears fell on his keyboard. He sniffled and replayed the video, turning it into full screen.

She wasn't wearing any makeup. She looked as she hadn't slept in days, dark shadows under her eyes, which were the darkest brown they'd ever been, a trick of the light? She had her hair in a messy knot at the back of her head, revealing her forehead. He traced the outline of her face, not seeing the scar on her forehead but remembering exactly where it was and how she had gotten it, close encounter of the first kind with a fire hydrant when she had learnt to skate, at six. This was the less maintained he had ever seen her but also the most beautiful for some reason. There was no artificiality to her, just pure, wonderful, beautiful Rachel Berry.

"I miss you too," he whispered, looking at her face. He was talking to his freaking computer again, and at this instant he couldn't care less.

:::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::

He scanned the hallway the next morning. He'd been waiting for her to arrive and had hoped she would get there sooner. He only spotted her at intermission, after second period, as she was reaching her locker. He took a cautious step towards her.

"Hey," he gave a tentative smile.

"Hi," Rachel whispered, as if not trusting her voice at a higher volume.

"I'm sorry for calling you, Saturday night," he was still lost for words when he came face to face with her.

"Oh," she seemed disappointed, "it's okay." She averted her eyes, wondering if she would ever be able to look at his face without wanting to cry or just kiss him. She pushed a strand of hair behind her ear, trying to regain her composure.

He was watching the revealed spot of skin, mesmerized. He'd lost his train of thoughts again.

The slushee hit him right in the face when he expected it the less, engrossed as he was.

"Thanks for losing us the game, loser," Karofsky bellowed.

Finn was paralyzed with shock, Rachel was panting, recovering as well from the surprise attack.

He raised his hand to wipe his face and realized too late that he was using his broken hand. "Shit," he jerked his hand from his forehead; getting slushee in the cast would be a disaster. Rachel grabbed his hand and dragged him to the nearest bathroom.

She helped clean his hand; refraining from thinking she was holding _his_ hand. She sat him and started mopping the slushee from his hair and neck. Her heart-rate had increased substantially and she was biting her bottom lip in concentration, avoiding his eyes at all cost. His hair was so thick that she had to use soap to get all the corn syrup out.

After a few moments she was almost done, having dried his mane of dark hair with hand towels. He got up, facing her.

"You have some…" he raised his plastered hand to brush her cheek, "soap here." His touch lingered longer than was necessary to just wipe the foam. He was back in the auditorium when he had first kissed her. His heart was hammering against his ribcage, _I want to, I want to_, he was pleading internally, _please say it_. He was leaning down anyway, backing up an inch for each two he advanced. Her eyes finally met his. Her gigantic, fearful, shiny eyes.

She caught her breath. She was conscious he was about to kiss her. She started to shiver slightly while seeing him bending over her slowly, but the shuddering became so violent when he ever so softly stroked her lips with his that she dropped the towels she was still holding. She rushed down to catch them, almost hitting Finn in her haste. She didn't even know if she had done it on purpose or not, she didn't understand her body reactions these days.

"I'm sorry," she whispered almost indistinctly, "I'm so clumsy…" she averted her eyes.

He watched her move away from him in total confusion. He had hoped she wanted this as much as he did.

"I'm sorry, did I interrupt something?" Quinn asked entering the bathroom.

Rachel smiled, resigned and rushed out the bathroom.

Finn's eyes scanned frantically from one ex-girlfriend to the other until the door closed on Rachel.

And it hit him, as hard as the slushee had.

He looked at Quinn in awe, "I cheated on you," he said, as if realizing it for the first time.

"Excuse me?" the cheerleader tilted her head, half amused, half appalled.

"With Rachel, I cheated on you! I kissed her, twice, and like a _million_ times in my head."

"I know that!" Quinn scoffed. Was it possible that he _didn't_?

A smile was creeping involuntarily on his face. This was a totally wrong reaction and he knew it but he couldn't help the joy that was spreading in him. He finally had his answer.

::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::

TBC

Gosh, I spent the day on that, hope it was worth it! It's my longest chapter, yay!

Tell me if you feel it's too cheesy, because if it is I have to revise the last chapter (which isn't written yet but in my head!)

Check out the song if you don't know it, it's really a fantastic one (Sister Hazel rule!)

Also the bathroom scene is originally one I had written like 10 years ago for a Sliders fanfic I never wrote in full, it was weird to reread it with Quinn being the guy of interest. It's also weird that every time I'm thinking about this fic in my head I say Wade instead of Rachel!

Sorry for the ranting!

Reviews are love as they say! ;)


	11. Maybe

Sorry for the delay guys, real life interfered… you know the drill!

Thanks to SLopez for her help on this one and her fanfics and music advices ;) you go girl!

Thanks to irshgirl for her advice on Quinn, that helped a lot :)

Disclaimer: I don't own Glee, its characters, McKinley High or anything related to the show.

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Finn was elated.

And at the same time freaked out as hell.

He'd just kissed Rachel. It had only lasted a split second but it had reminded him of all those other kissed they had shared.

He realized that except for this last one, she had always been the one to initiate their _first_ kisses; whether by actually kissing him or granting him permission to do so, not that he wouldn't have kissed her anyway that day in the auditorium, but still.

He was feeling like the frog in the well, just like three minutes ago. Two steps forward, one step back. Part of him wanted to go after her, a huge part of him to be honest. But at the same time… He didn't even know what. He wasn't sure of anything anymore. The feelings he had when he was around her were so powerful that he had to make efforts to even remember why he was even mad at her. The good memories outnumbered the bad in such proportions that there was no way he couldn't see that. Now.

Why had it taken him so long?

"So," Quinn shook him off his internal debate, "this is a girls bathroom, do you plan on camping here tonight?" she was giving him a patronizing look, arms crossed over her chest, tapping her foot impatiently.

"I cheated on you," he repeated, nodding his head as he looked at the blonde cheerleader.

"We've already established that," she said impatiently. "It's not like I really care, I even sent you to _her_ once."

Finn eyed her in awe, she was blushing slightly, realizing she probably had said too much.

She shrugged and dismissed the thought, "is there a statute of limitation on past relationships?"

"A what?"

She rolled her eyes with annoyance, "it means that something happened so long ago that there can't be any charge pressed, oh anyway, you cheated too so…"

She stayed silent for a couple of seconds and started explaining.

"We never worked as a couple. We were using one another for our reputations and maybe we liked the idea of being in love with each other but the truth is we never really were. I could see that you were attracted to Rachel; not that understood why. One day I actually wanted to see how things could go with Puck so I asked Kurt to give her a makeover. And it worked so well that by the end of that week you were at her place..." She shrugged as she watched him trying to remember this particular event. "Kurt went a little overboard with this one from what you told me and the next Monday you and I were back on tracks."

"We said 'I love you' that day," he remembered, tilting his head to the side interrogatively.

"Yes, but it was no more than words. You thought I was pregnant with your child, I wanted the cover. You were scared by those mixed feelings. Beside you and I know you've only been in love with only one person, and it sure as hell isn't me."

"Call it even?" he asked, scrunching his face a little shamefully.

"I guess," she extended her hand, ready to shake his, when he pulled her into a hug to the huge dismay of a senior that was entering the bathroom.

"Do you think she loves _him_?" he asked under his breath, not daring to speak Puckerman's name.

She scoffed, giving him her 'you are a moron' look while shaking her head "please!"

He let out a reassured breath. "Can you help me get her back?" he asked tentatively, biting his bottom lip.

She raised her hand before her to stop him.

"Finn, don't ask too much, okay? I owed you one, admittedly a _big_ one, but I don't actually _like _the girl so…" She was crossing her arms again when the bell rang for third period.

He grinned, "thanks anyway," and left the bathroom.

"Don't mention it.." she answered to the closing door.

::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::

He'd missed his chance to go after Rachel, but there were still a few hours till the end of the school day and he was hoping he'd get his chance.

If his crazy mind didn't play the ironic frog on him again. _One_ step forward, _two_ steps back.

It had happened far too many times already.

He'd been scared of her crazy side, scared of people's opinions, scared of her bad reputation rubbing off on his. Scared of being hurt again, so much for this one…

Now he was scared of losing her for good. But still wary to give her his trust. Yet she had never failed him. Before.

Finn spent his math class tapping his pen on his notepad, not paying any attention to the teacher, not caring in the least about SATs or whatever third degree equations were. He was fomenting plans, trying to find his way around the 'not being able to go back where we left off' part. He didn't want to get back to that part anyway. The part where she had broken his heart with her confessions. It still hurt. But not as much as it used to. And certainly not as much as _missing her_ did.

He was daydreaming of epic make-up/make-out sessions when the bell rang.

Lunch was next but somehow he wasn't hungry, that was a red letter day!

He tried to figure where she could be, tried the cafeteria, her locker, the library, the choir room.

The last place she could be (it was winter, the stands around the football field were covered in snow) was the auditorium.

He entered the room quietly and spotted her, sitting alone on the edge of the stage, legs dangling from it, hands in her lap and head bowed.

He went down the stairs two at a time and was standing in front of her before she had time to react.

She didn't try to leave instead watching him curiously. He didn't quite like the silent Rachel as much as he loved the over-talkative one. She seemed like a shadow of herself lately, the sparks of life missing from her eyes.

"Looks like you could use a friend right now." He said, sitting next to her.

She shrugged, but didn't say anything.

"Listen," he continued, "I know you said we weren't friends to begin with, but the fact is that I really believe we were, and then we _really_ were… at the end." He could see her nodding slowly, clenching her jaw. Tears were welling up in her eyes. He'd never seen her cry that much.

He went on, "I've been talking to a lot of very wise people recently and I could share their expertability with you if you like?"

"Expertise," she rectified without thinking, "sorry," she grimaced shamefully. She just couldn't help correcting him.

"It's okay, I like it when you correct me, makes me smarter." He side glanced at her, she couldn't help but giggle a little and as her laughter escaped her mouth she wiped her eyes with the heel of her hand.

"To be perfectly honest," her voice was raspy, "I desperately need one. A friend."

He gave a half-smile and bumped her shoulder playfully with his, "so _buddy_, what's up with you. You seem really down lately."

She took a deep breath. She wasn't sure how they would go through with this conversation.

"Okay, _pal_," she started tentatively, eyeing his reaction, he nodded, encouragingly. "Well, I've been having a couple of rough weeks." She stared ahead, looking at nothing. "It started last year, when we… when I had a fight with my boyfriend", she corrected herself, expecting him to stop her. When he didn't she took courage and continued.

"I got some upsetting news from a vile person but it was as if I was the last to know and everyone else thought it was perfectly normal that I hadn't been the wisest. After that, I learned that the people who were supposed to be my family only pretended to like me. It's not as though I didn't already know that, but I really thought some of them actually did." She sighed, remembering the events that had concluded 2010 for her.

"Nevertheless, I thought that maybe things would pick up when the New Year started but everything seemed to go down pretty fast. Well, before the year ended my boyfriend finally broke up with me."

"Stupid git," he commented seriously.

She turned her gaze to him, amazed, then started talking again in a small voice, almost to herself, "he had reasons. He really had." She returned her gaze to her lap.

She saw him nod silently from the corner of her eyes; he seemed to be reliving the events himself.

"You see," she continued, "I did something bad, and the more I tried to apologize, the more it seemed like I was digging my own grave. In the end I finally realized that I had pushed him away by trying to hang on to him. But it was already too late. So I vowed to leave him be. Only when school resumed it was really harder than I thought it would be. Because there wasn't just the fact that I would see him every day and still love him so much when he wouldn't even talk to me."

She swallowed hard. "I would see him and want to talk to him and I didn't know what to do because he was also my best friend and he would have been the one I went to when I had something on my mind, except now he wasn't that anymore either. So I really was lonely when we got back to school. And I'm used to loneliness, but somehow when you've had someone in your life for a certain amount of time it's really difficult to go back."

He nodded again; he really knew how she felt, even if he had never really been lonely himself. He turned his head to her and furrowed his brow, "what I don't understand is that you've always been so good at handling things, what changed that?" he asked, remembering her happy demeanors and how things seemed to slide over her like on some duck feathers. He'd never seen her upset for more than a couple of days. A couple of hours, even.

"There was that and all the little things that accumulated over it. One can only take so much but in the end when your defenses are down it's harder to fight."

"What happened?" he asked.

"Well, I was already down from… _things_, and it became worse when we went to see Vocal Adrenaline perform their Sectionals; not only because they were so good and I was responsible for that but also because afterwards I saw my mo… Shelby. And she had that baby with her. It was obvious it was hers." Her voice began to crack.

His head jerked in her direction, "Yeah, I saw that. What was that about?" he asked, remembering the woman he'd seen showing her daughter to her former students.

Rachel looked at him astounded; she hadn't realized he might have seen that.

"I have no idea. I mean, last year at regionals she told me she didn't want a relationship with me, that it was too late for us. And that hurt enough. But seeing her with that baby, so happy… I felt like she was rejecting me again, that she finally had got what she wanted. And any hope I might have had of the two of us ultimately reconnecting shattered at this moment."

He grabbed her knee with his plastered hand and gave it a comforting squeeze. She put her hand over his and they stayed silent a couple of minutes.

She traced the edge of his cast, near his fingers and asked "does it hurt?"

He shrugged, "not really. Hey, you never told me what happened last year?"

She shrugged in turn, "well, like you said I'm usually good at handling things! Beside there was this boy that started to take an enormous place in my life and I was so happy that I forgot about… her, for a while. I really didn't think of her much until I saw her again that day. And it's been undermining me since."

"I'm sorry you got to go through that by yourself." He seemed sincere, but she couldn't fathom his change of heart. Would he leave her alone again after this talk? Would he keep playing the _friend_?

"It's alright really; it's just the addition of all those things and the attitude of some of our fellow students, and being really, really lonely…" tears were prickling her eyes again.

She breathed deeply and laid back on the stage, looking at the ceiling, her legs still hanging off the edge. She closed her eyes to the light.

He followed her, leaning backwards. He repositioned himself so that their heads were close and his legs were bent, feet flat on the floor.

They had spent hours in this position the previous summer. In the park or her backyard, by a pool or under a tree, just talking or simply enjoying the silence. He raised his hand in the air, shielding his eyes from the violent beam of the stage lighting.

"I'm sorry about Santana," he eventually said.

"I just don't understand why she hates me so much, it's not like I have done anything to her, except being annoying and short…" he chuckled to himself, he loved her ability to joke about that.

"She's just jealous." He said honestly.

She snorted sarcastically, "yeah, right!" now she was self-deprecating and he didn't like that. At all. He'd better change the subject.

"So, about your boyfriend…?" he asked, turning his head to her so he could see the side of her face.

"Ex-boyfriend," she said softly, "what about him?"

He felt a pang in his stomach at the "ex" part. He didn't have any real question he realized, "just tell me."

"Finn…" she was pleading for him not to ask her _that_.

"Please?" he was beseeching her, bracing himself for the hurt he knew was coming. But he needed to hear it from her.

She screwed her eyes shut, making a tear run down the side of her temple. He caught it with his finger and followed its trace gently back to the corner of her eye.

"Please..." he whispered.

She sat up and gave a bitter grimace. "What do you want me to say?" her voice was harsh now, hurt and sarcastic. "I don't know anything anymore. I messed up and he broke up with me, end of story. I understand that he lied because he didn't want to hurt me but he had to know it would hurt more if she was the one to tell me. But he let it happen! I understand that I should have lied too, but he had asked me to be honest and I was. I understand that what Quinn did was awful enough to make him cry and punch the other guy."

She took a sharp breath, finally turning to look at him. He was now crossed legged in front of her, with the same look he had harbored in the hallway, when she had told him.

"I only _kissed_ Noah, and obviously it wasn't as bad, because he's still friend with him and he was mad but he wasn't hurt, because he didn't cry…? But it was enough for him to end something that in my eyes was worth fighting for. So maybe he just gave up on me… _Again,_" she stressed.

"Maybe _I_ wasn't worth fighting for? And ultimately what I did was only to make him feel bad but it's better that he ended things there and then because if it didn't mean as much to him as it meant to me then it would have been worse in the end?"

She jumped off the stage and faced him, leaning on the edge for support.

She choked on her word, "I got more than I was hoping for anyway, one way or another it was just a matter of time."

She'd already said that to him. Too many times. He felt like she had just punched him.

He cut her, "or maybe what you did was worse than what Quinn did, because he loved _you_ while he didn't love _her_? And maybe he did cry, just not in front of everyone, because in the end it hurt so bad that he was completely numb? Maybe _you_ were so sure it wasn't gonna last that you pushed him away?" he wanted to push her, to make her fight for them when it seemed like she had forfeited.

The light was back in her eyes, the crazy look that he loved so much even if it frightened him from time to time. He could see the real Rachel coming through and even though they were fighting and no closer to reconciliation than a month previously he knew in this instant that they were real and that he would do all it took to make her see that.

"Maybe," she said in a small voice, edging away from the stage.

He nodded, still holding her gaze fiercely, "yeah, maybe," he said more softly. He got up to his feet and dusted his pants.

He watched her swallow hard but neither of them said anything. She almost reluctantly let go of the stage and went up the stairs towards the exit. He made no move to stop her but when she reached the door he called after her, "Hey, Rach!"

She stopped, holding the door, and looked at him.

"For the record: I'm still in love with you," he nodded, emphasizing his sentence, "and I'm not giving up on _us_." He saw her opening her mouth but he went on before she could argue, "not that easy. Not this time."

"It's not funny," she simply said.

He shrugged and answered seriously "it's not supposed to be."

He headed to the back exit.

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TBC

Okay, one more to go! I know I always say that but this time it's true (unless I have an epilogue!)

But I couldn't just write the next chapter with this one because they didn't work together and you would have had to wait forever for them!

Anyhow, I promised this would be finished by the end of the break, and it will, because I always keep my promises, but also because I have this idea for another fic but I refuse to write it until I'm done with this one!

Tell me what you think! I hope I wasn't too OOC with everyone (especially Rachel)

Love :)


	12. All we'd ever need

**Okay, here goes for the last chapter. I hope I don't disappoint you with this one, it being the most important!**

**Disclaimer: I wish I owed Glee, I wouldn't have to dread the next few episodes if I did!**

**Don't own any song mentioned here either, their authors do ;)**

**And it just occurred to me that I messed up my time line, but hey, if you didn't figure that out, it wasn't so bad ;)**

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The new house still didn't feel like home to Finn.

His room was bigger and brighter than his old one; it had enough space for him to install his drum-set and his dad's barcalounger along with a queen size bed that actually allowed him to lay in full without having any limb outreach it. He had a new dresser to put his TV on, his desk was placed under the window and he didn't have to stride over furniture to reach any part of the room. Yet it felt off.

He hadn't put back any of his old posters, he had grown tired of Dashboard confessional and had ripped his Ohio stadium one while picking it of the wall. The other ones had faded over time and he needed a change of scenery, but he hadn't bothered doing it just yet. He wanted to acclimate to the room first. Not that he spent much time actually _watching_ it. He'd spent too many hours brooding in bed or trying to drown his sorrow in Halo sessions to be bothered about the lack of decorum.

He wished he had a plan.

All he'd done this far, Rachel-wise, he'd done almost unconsciously, at least not planning anything. And things hadn't gone too well, considering. He hadn't planned on breaking up with her for starters. Not that way. He hadn't thought it through at all, going from the funk of learning of her cheating to the anger he had refused to let go until he had snapped in the tree lot. Because if he hadn't he would have surrendered to her, but he had had to prove himself that he was stronger than that.

He had convinced himself that it was what he wanted, and he had done quite a good job at that too. But now the fear of losing her for good was too much to take.

Their _friend_ conversation hadn't turned the way he had hoped, not that he had expected much out of it but he hadn't said anything significant for him. If anything he had picked a fight, driving her into a corner and making her tell things she didn't want to say. He'd actually done exactly what he had reproached her doing. He'd pushed too far.

On the other hand, the clash had done wonders on his part. Because it had made him realize how badly _he_ had screwed up, and how deeply he still cared for her. But how was it that he could only tell her he loved her when he was wound up over something? Like when they had been arguing for a week, or when he'd been confronted by Santana, or pumped up on adrenaline before Regionals.

Of course he had meant it.

_Each time_.

Especially _this_ time.

But it felt tainted. He had said it angrily, challenging her almost. And then they had ignored each other in Glee. It hadn't been very hard to do because Mr. Schuester had announced the new assignment which was to find the perfect Valentine's Day song, February the 14th being in two weeks. The couples had cheered, the single ones had booed, each debating their arguments heatedly, until the bell had rang and he'd fled the scene.

And now he sat in his room, hours later, sitting dejectedly in his father's chair and sliding his phone open and shut incessantly, debating on calling her or not. Weighing what to say. To call or not to call. Text, mail, tweet, he even wished he had a carrier pigeon, before realizing that however romantic it could be, Rachel would never allow the use of an animal.

He threw his phone in frustration on his bed, but it bounced and landed on the floor next to the bathroom's threshold. He got up exasperated and went to retrieve his phone but ended up accidentally kicking it with his foot. The phone slid on the tile floor across the bathroom and stopped on the carpet of Kurt's room. Finn sighed deeply, strode across the bathroom and bet over to grab it. Getting up he had a look at his step-brother's room. He wasn't one to rummage into someone else's stuff but he let his eyes scan the bedroom curiously. It was really neat, especially compared to his. And it was a good thing that they had separate rooms because Kurt's style was definitely not his!

He spotted a CD-case and went to it, wondering what kind of music Kurt was into. He had to admit they had never really talked about music outside of Glee.

Aside from a large collection of operas, and a selection of pop, classical, soft rock, all sorted alphabetically, there were the usual Broadway soundtracks and Finn wondered how many CDs Kurt and Rachel both owned. He picked the 'Annie' CD and remembered the time Rachel had made him watch it. He had humored her but hadn't really paid attention to the movie, although the song 'tomorrow' had kept stuck in his mind for several days after that. It was a good song actually, with a nice message about optimism, and it certainly had been Rachel's motto for a while. Even if it wasn't the case anymore.

His eyes fell on a very different CD; he knew it was Rachel's and not Kurt's because she had actually given it to him to pass along to Kurt who wanted to borrow it. He had heard a couple of the band's song on the radio and even though he wouldn't listen to them on a daily basis he didn't quite dislike them as much as one could think. Excitement started to run through him as he scanned the track listing at the back of the case, there was _this_ song. That would be a long shot but it was worth trying. The Glee assignment, Rachel, with a little luck everything would fall into place, and somehow just now he felt like a pretty lucky guy. A smile crept on his face as he sat on Kurt's bed and slid his phone open.

He Googled something, then started texting, fumbling with the keys of the phone with his messed-up hand.

**hey Kurt**

**to answer your ? :**

**yes I can (and I have)**

**need help**

**is this song 2 cheesy?**

**youtube. com/watch?v=c-PlAkprhvQ**

**-Finn**

He waited patiently, then not so patiently, for an answer, as he made his way back to his room, taking the CD with him.

He put the CD in his stereo, pressed 3 then 'repeat' and threw himself back on his bed, cursing at his phone to finally ring with Kurt's answer.

The song had time to play six times and a half and he pretty much already knew it by heart when he finally felt his phone vibrate in his febrile hand.

**:))))))) **

was all Kurt had typed, but it was exactly the answer Finn had been hoping for. He smiled more widely and settled on his pillow, quite proud of himself for once.

::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::

Rachel spent her Monday evening in a daze. She hadn't anticipated the events of the day, at all. She had hoped she and Finn would maybe be on speaking terms again considering the message he had left her during the week end but all in all after the slusheeing, the bathroom's almost kiss she badly regretted interrupting, the conversation in the auditorium that had of course ended in a row and Glee club, they had once again left things hanging and awkward. And she'd come home hurriedly, avoiding him.

What he had said to her… Could it be true? She wondered if it was an attempt to get back at her. He'd said it wasn't a joke. And she wanted desperately to believe it wasn't.

She had felt such a strong connection to him in the auditorium. Even when they had started yelling it had felt more real than anything they had shared the last couple of weeks. And he had _kissed_ her! She couldn't deny _that_, she thought, raising her fingers to her mouth and letting herself remember the feeling of his lips brushing hers.

But he wanted space. He wanted to not be a couple with her anymore. He had told her so!

She couldn't understand him. She knew that he _had_ cared for her, but at times like this she couldn't help wondering if he didn't only want her when he didn't have her.

She couldn't let herself think about that. She couldn't let herself think about him. She couldn't let herself fall for him again and risk being hurt again, and again.

She loved him more than anything but this relationship was doomed. They had tried. Already two times. And it had hurt losing him each time, it still did.

She didn't see any way around. And as much as it pained her she would eventually have to find closure in it. She could _not_ handle more pain.

It wasn't until Glee practice on Friday that she actually saw him again. By that time she had resolved that she had in fact almost been fooled and thanked her good star for not letting her fall for it.

She'd been out with Mercedes on a pleasant shopping spree and had had the strangest voicemail from Kurt in which he sounded excited about something about to happen and wishing her good luck. For what? She never found out, he didn't pick up the phone when she tried calling him back.

Finn had been elusive since Monday, either on purpose or coincidentally, though she couldn't figure why he had missed Glee on Thursday.

She had merely seen him from the corner of her eyes a couple of times and had accidentally bumped into him going out of a bathroom but Mercedes had been so quick at pulling her away that the two hadn't even had time to apologize.

Rachel entered the choir room reluctantly, not wanting to have to sing or listen to stupid love songs when she was trying so hard to hide her broken heart. She hadn't mentioned Finn to either Kurt or Mercedes and they hadn't asked, reinforcing her feelings that the case was closed for good.

She was starting to head to the risers in order to sit in the back when Mercedes forced her into the front center seat, sitting next to her and squeezing her hand. Rachel gave her an interrogative look but the other girl just shrugged, smiling innocently, her eyes drifting towards Finn.

Rachel looked his way but he averted his eyes as usual. He was so handsome today she noticed, he was wearing a button up shirt and dark pants, she liked that look better than his sport's jock one and she berated herself for even thinking about it. She should focus on the class, she wouldn't be able to tell who had sung what yesterday if her life depended on it, she thought guiltily.

Mercedes went first, singing '_when I first saw you' _from _Dreamgirls, _her favorite musical, then came Artie and Brittany with an acoustic version of '_it's only love_' that brought smiles to every faces. There weren't many people left but Rachel was planning on avoiding the subject altogether.

The next time Mr. Schue asked for a volunteer she bowed her head and looked at her shoes until the storm passed. But it didn't.

Suddenly there was a pair of size 14 ½ Nike sneakers in front of her and the room had grown silent.

She raised her head tentatively and _he_ was there, biting his bottom lip nervously and handing her a sheet music. She looked from him to Mr. Schue's encouraging smile, then back to Mercedes' huge smile.

She took the sheet of paper but was only looking at Finn. He seemed nervous, rubbing the back of his neck unconsciously. He cleared his throat, trying to buy some time.

"Rach," he started tentatively, "I'm not sure about this song, because I don't know if it's how you feel, but it sure is how _I_ feel, and I want to believe that you think that too and that maybe we can take it from there and I don't know…" he trailed, realizing he was ranting and starting to stop making sense.

He sighed deeply, his eyes locked in hers until she dropped her gaze to the sheet music in her hand. She knew the song and the first verse of the lyrics made her mind jump of a certain grey "property of McKinley" T-shirt that she could only call her pillow-case, now.

She looked back at him, swallowing hard, interrogating him silently with her eyes.

His brown eyes were pleading with her to humor him. She dared a glance at Mercedes who nodded fiercely edging her to go on with a wave of the fingers.

Her heart decided against her head and she rose to her feet to some victorious "yes" from Puck and a scoff from Santana.

Rachel went to the piano to hand the sheet music to Brad but the latter shook his head to indicate that he already knew what song it was. They obviously had all been in it together.

The music started and she started her verse:

_Boy it's been all this time  
And I can't get you off my mind  
And nobody knows it but me_

_I stare at your photograph  
Still sleep in the shirt you left  
And nobody knows it but me_

_Every day I wipe my tears away  
So many nights I've prayed for you to say... _

She furrowed her brow, watching for his encouragement, half expecting for him to stop and start laughing at her, but he joined his voice to hers in the chorus.

_I should've been chasing you  
I should've been trying to prove  
That you were all that mattered to me  
I should've said all the things  
That I kept inside of me  
Then maybe I could've made you believe  
That what we had was all we'd ever need_

He went on by himself, shaking his head to emphasize his words,

_My friends think I'm moving on  
But the truth is I'm not that strong  
And nobody knows it but me_

_I've kept all the words you've said  
In a box underneath my bed  
And nobody knows it but me_

_But if you're happy I'll get through somehow  
But the truth is I've been screaming out... _

Was he really meaning that? She didn't dare hope, but she wanted it so deeply… She continued harmonizing, never breaking their gaze.

_I should've been chasing you  
I should've been trying to prove  
That you were all that mattered to me  
I should've said all the things  
That I kept inside of me  
Then maybe I could've made you believe  
That what we had was all we'd ever need_

_It was all we'd ever need  
Ohh  
I thought it was all we'd ever need_

_I should've been chasing you, _he sang_  
You should've been trying to prove, _she replied_  
That you were all that mattered to me, _they joined their voices again_._

They sang alternately_,_

_You should've said all the things  
That I kept inside of me  
And maybe you could've made me believe  
That what we had girl  
Ohh that what we had  
What we had  
It was all we'd ever need  
It was all we'd ever need_

He had grabbed her hand somewhere into the song and didn't let go once the music faded. His gaze was so intense that she had no trouble at all believing what he had just said, well _sang_. She could read it in his eyes. But she didn't _want_ to believe. She was completely screwed, because of course she believed, of course she wanted to be back with him, but they _couldn't_, could they?

"Can we go…" they both started, and she gave a half exasperated, half amused roll of the eyes. They looked at Mr. Schuester for his approval to leave and headed to the auditorium which was _their_ special space.

"Are we gonna fight again?" She ventured apprehensively.

"I don't care if we do, because at least that means we're talking," he answered seriously before sitting her in one of the front row seats.

"Listen, I've thought this through and you have to let me talk because you're only gonna say rational things and I don't want _rational_, I want _true_, okay?" He asked, and she nodded, both at his request and newfound vocabulary.

"Rachel, we have to be together, we don't work when we're apart. I miss you. I think… I think that you miss me too. We make sense together, I don't know how…"

She couldn't help arguing, "we didn't work together either, Finn. We broke up. _You_ broke us up!"

He sighed, discouraged. She had to interrupt him, didn't she?

"I know! I regret it… I really do."

"It's not enough!" She was starting to well up, her voice breaking, "we can't go back to where we left off. It's too late!"

"I know that! But Rach, we can _start over_!" He nodded, trying to convey his enthusiasm. "Think about it," he said, "the first time we were together what? Six days? The second time it was six months. So what's next? Six years? Sixty? I'll take that! Because… because," he didn't know how to say it. "I'm not gonna serve you some lame _'I can't live without you' _line, 'cause obviously, I _can_, but fuck! I don't _want to_!" he was flustered and panting, and although Rachel didn't care much for the crude language, she couldn't deny it was by far the most romantic thing he had ever said to her.

She was running out of arguments, "but why would it work _this_ time?" she couldn't let go just yet.

"Because we learned from our mistakes? We know where we both screwed up and we're not gonna do it again?" he risked, "because, the third time's a charm? Because they say _'neve__r twice without thrice'?"_

"But…"

"No, no, no, no," he stopped her, squatting in front of her, using the armrests of her chair for support, "I know what you're gonna say and I told you I thought it through! We're not gonna break up again because we already broke up three times! See, for once my stupid mouth has got us through!" he finished triumphantly, giving a sheepish half grin.

She smiled shyly, feeling the hope rise in her chest. He seemed really confident with himself.

"Are you sure?" she asked, confusing him, "I mean, I can't go through this again and I can't be certain that you won't decide all of a sudden you finally don't want to forgive me…"

"Rachel," it was the most serious she had ever seen him, "I love you. No, I am _in love_ with you. And I love the fact that you know me so well that sometimes we don't even have to talk. And I hated the fact that you used this against me when you went to Puck, but then I thought maybe you didn't think about it that way and I _hope_ you will never take advantage of this again if you did it on purpose, and just never do it at all if it was a mistake?" he eyed her interrogatively, she nodded her agreement.

He smiled again, "so what do you say? Can we give _us_ another chance?" they got back up.

She nodded again, smiling and he let out a relieved sight.

Her over-talkative self took over before they shook on it. "So, we just see how it goes? No promises, no commitments," she stated.

He nodded in turn and was leaning to kiss her when he suddenly pushed her away, knocking all the wind from her chest, "no! I can't," he gasped. She stumbled backwards, mouth open in shock. There _it_ was!

He seemed to realize something and hurried to catch her, scooping her against him, "oh, fuck, no, that's not… I didn't… I meant, shit! Rachel, I meant '_not without a token!'_," uh? Was he quoting her favorite non-musical movie?

She returned her eyes to him, catching her breath. He put his hands on her shoulders and kept her at arm length, searching her face, "Rach, I _want_ to promise! I want to be only with you, I want to never lie to you again. I understand if you're not ready to promise anything yet, even if I could go with a non-Puck policy," he added under his breath, making a laugh escape her, expelling tears everywhere. "Okay," she murmured, but he went on, "let me finish, I might as well put it all on the table."

It was weird seeing him do most of the talking but for once Rachel didn't care.

"I promise I will have your back from now on and I don't care if I get a Slushee in the face every day as long as you help me mop it up. If you want to take things slow we'll just go out and I swear I won't kiss you until the third date or whatever, if that's what you want. And I swear there's _only_ you." He trailed. She put her arms around him and nuzzled her face against his chest. "And you have the right to kick me if you catch me staring at someone else's butt!" he added quickly, "I've been told I do that." He said disgustedly.

She chuckled against him and held on closer, "yeah, you do." And of course she would promise. Anything he wanted.

After some time she said, "I love you."

They looked at each other's face smiling. "Thanks for the song." She bit her lips together, giving a bizarre sort of smile.

"I meant it, you know?"

"I know," she smiled more openly. "Finn?"

"Uh?" the look he was giving her was so charming she couldn't help blushing.

"Can we pretend it's our third date, or whatever?" she asked sheepishly watching him from under her lashes.

"God, I was hoping you would say that!" He said hugging her tightly, burying his face in her hair. She could feel him _breathe_ her and her heart gave a jolt in her chest.

They eventually kissed, shyly at first then more convincingly with each passing second. Rachel felt Finn's smile against her lips as she finally wrapped her arms around his neck, "don't you laugh!" she scoffed, slapping his arm playfully.

"I can't help it, Rach! You do that to me, you make me happy." He gave a gigantic smile before kissing her again.

::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::

THE END

**Okay guys! That was it. I could have added this really cheesy ending but I felt it would work better here, the story was already cheesy enough! (hey, I'm French, I LOVE cheese!)**

**I hope I didn't disappoint you with it, I poured everything I had in it, everything I would have wanted to see/read :)**

**Drop me a note if you stuck to it till the end, I would love to hear your thoughts**

**Thanks to everyone who alerted and reviewed and favorited, it means the world to me :)**

**Special thanks to my amazing SLopez, this one's for you girl!**

**And Super special thanks to the anonymous reviewer that added the first review to the previous chapter, if you recognize yourself PM me, I want to hug and kiss you because you spotted exactly what I wanted spotted :)**

**Love you all and see you soon**

**S.**


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